One.

Random.

It is almost midnight and I don't want to sleep. We leave in just under 5 hours for the hospital, but I am not tired. Scratch that. I am exhausted, but don't want to miss a minute of this baby's gymnastics. His arms and legs are flying. I wonder if somehow he knows that he will soon have freedom.

Tonight as we put the kids to bed, we grabbed their baby books. (Whole book for Z and partial book for Loulabelle...I WILL WORK ON IT. I PROMISE.)

Together, snuggled in our bed, we looked at pictures of their births and early days. We laughed. I cried. We told stories. We bonded. Just the four of us over those pictures and memories.

Then we held our babies in our arms until they were asleep.

I don't want to miss a minute of this sweet night.

One point Five.

Duh!!

We pre-registered at the hospital this morning. Went through all the paper work and blood draws. Got all the information regarding anesthesia, patient's bill of rights, etc. Needless to say, we walked away very informed, minus a pint or five of blood.

I forgot the one thing most urgent on my mind, so I called back to the hospital. Even now I am hearing the dreaded..."Hold, please. That is not my department." Heard that about 4 times until I finally talked to a lovely and very helpful lady in bed control.

"Bed control, you need something?"

"Yes, I pre-registered this morning and forgot to put in our request for a private room."

"Well, ma'am. This isn't a hotel."

Really?

Now I know there is an ever so slight possibility that she read this post on Day 7, but did she think I was really serious about this being a luxury spa vacation?

I guess I won't be expecting turn-down service with little mints on my pillow. Darn it!

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HUGE SHOUT TO MY NIECE, CELESTE!!!!! I LOVE WHAT SHE DID FOR MY BLOG! I FEEL ALL WARM AND GOOEY ON THE INSIDE!

Two.

To borrow the words from my good friend, Pam, I am a "freaker-outer." An over-worrier (I come from a long line of worriers.) When my kids are at grandparent's houses, I call umpteen times JUST TO MAKE SURE. When they are at my friends', I think up reasons to call.

I worry. I know this about myself.

But for some reason, today I am calm. Really, really calm. Some twisted part of me fears that I am too calm. Shouldn't I be worried? Shouldn't I be a wreck? I mean, two days is not a long time. What am I forgetting that I need to worry about?

I hope it God's peace protecting me right now because I can't explain it.

Tomorrow may be a different story, but I am thankful for the quiet of today.

Three.

Communion.

Today, in the candlelit church, he put his arms around his family.

Sheltering them from the world outside.

He prayed for each one by name, even the unborn one.

Thanking God for their lives.

Asking for protection and wisdom as he leads his growing family.

He gave thanks for his wife and professed his love for her.

He placed each person on the altar for the Lord and asked that His will be done.

His wife, beside him, cried joyful tears.

The man God gave her is a leader, a provider, a friend.

Safe in his arms, she silently prayed for a life together raising their kids and loving each other.

Her heart tender at the thought of growing old together.

She is longing for the right words to tell him how important he is to them.

Knowing that the coming days, weeks, will be hard on him.

He will make sacrifices that go unnoticed and without appreciation.

He will; because is a hero.

Her sincere hope is that he won't get lost in the shuffle.

With his arms protecting his family, she prays that he feels their love.

Five.

Ponderings.

Today it is raining and dark which lends itself to reflection. I have spent most of today snuggling under the covers, listening to the rain and whatever movie Lou was watching at the time.

And my mind has been wandering.

For the past two years, Skip and I have had the great debate about whether to add a third child, or not. We were pretty divided into two different camps. One held tight to the "yes", and the other to the "no". Life moved on from day to day, but every so often this discussion would take place. Every time it was the same two votes. We would let it drop for weeks, months at a time before talking about it again.

But for me, it was always there. Always in the back of my mind. It felt like we were missing somebody. Somebody really special and important. We would be on vacation and I would be sad that we didn't have that person with us. We would have Family Movie Night and I would think about this child and wonder if it would ever exist.

This topic began to seep into more of our everyday life and decisions, When we would talk about our future, it was different. Our ten year goals looked different. We weren't acting like a team. We were divided. Skip and I both knew that without a neutral perspective and wisdom we would continue to grow more and more divided. We needed help.

In came our pastor. Our pastor is a man who believes in truth. He doesn't handle idle chit-chat very well. He wants you to get to the heart of the matter. He knows that is where God's power lies. So one night after putting kids to bed, he came over to listen. Listen to our hearts. Listen to our truth. He asked some questions, but basically he listened.

From that night came intense praying about our family's future. We both knew we couldn't stay divided for long. We had to decide, we had to come together. The decision was compromise.

We decided that we would let God decide what was best for our family.

Duh! Such a novel thought.

But it was hard to let go of control. We decided that we would "try" for 5 months. At the end of that time, we would either be pregnant or we would be closing that chapter in our lives. We were both at peace with this decision and ready to move forward in God's will.

Two months later as I stared at those 2 pink lines, I worried about Skip. I worried that he would be disappointed or mad at God for deciding in my favor. I worried for nothing. I saw pure joy when I looked into his eyes. He was genuinely happy about this baby. He has been with me through every appointment, every ache, every nauseating moment, every pound added to the scale. He has been there.

Just when I think I couldn't love this man more. I see him fathering our children. I see him coaching our teams. I see him loving our friends. I see him sweetly holding this baby in just 5 days.

His tender touch telling this baby that he is loved and very much wanted. My heart might just explode.

Six.

A Servant's Heart.

Remember in April when I published this TO DO LIST? Well, I am happy to report that it is all done.

Well, except for the Oreo part. I am a user. Can't help myself.

Also, the part about the king-sized bed. We figured this wasn't a good time for me to try out mattresses considering every part of my body aches and I can't find a good position to lay in.

Other than that, it is finished.

OK, OK. The part about Loulabelle's baby book. I just put that on there for kicks. I really wasn't going to attempt that...yet.

But still. My list is done.

Today was the last part of the LIST. My mom and I had a massive cooking day. It started at 7 with a trip to the newest Walmarts. (Jen, it was heavenly!) We just finished cooking and cleaning at 4:30. It was such a blessing to have a helper today. I loved cooking with my mom.

It is not unusual for her to do this for me. She has always been there. As long as I can remember. If I am sick, she has food ready or she takes the kids. When I complained that my feet were too swollen she booked me a pedicure with her wonderful gal. She would do anything for her family. She has a pure servant's heart.



Mom, thank you for always being there. Thank you for how much you give to my family. I am blessed to have you in my life. I hope one day to follow in your generous footsteps as I care for my grandkids and their families.

Now I am going to kick back, heave my water-retentive legs up in the recliner and breathe. It's almost time...

Seven

Have I told you all that Skip and I are going on vacation this summer? We leave in about a week for an all-inclusive resort just 30 minutes from our home. No, it's not the beach but every room does have a scenic view.

Accomodations are private with two adjustable beds. Every suite comes with a deluxe bathroom. The staff offers 24/7 care with just the touch of a button. This resort is equipped with an exceptional child care facility. Each child gets individual attention and lots of hugs. The professionally trained staff will even watch the children during the night so the adults can have some alone time. It is even rumored that they will bathe the children per request. How awesome is that?!

Meals are served 3xs per day. Visitors choose their own menus and they serve it via room service! Apparently, you can even have a local "spirited beverage" every 6 minutes if you desire.

All the fun we need is in one building. It sounds like heaven! We can't wait to go.

Eight.

What's in a name?

Raise your hand if you think Z-man and Loulabelle are the real names of my kiddos? These are fun names, but they are not the real ones.

Shocking. I know.

They happen to have, in my opinion, great names. But for the sake of the blog I keep them to myself.

Z-man was named after Skip's (not his real name either!!!) grandpa. It is a generational name that Z, Skip, his dad and his grandpa all share. This name is over 100 years old. When Skip and I were dating, he told me that his first boy would share the same name. It is a name of great importance to his entire family. It has been an honor to fulfill their desire. These are great men for Z to pattern his life after.

Loulabelle's name was more random. I fell in love with her name sometime in high school or college, not sure now. It was someone's last name, which is my favorite kind of name. Her middle name is mine, my dad's, and my great-grandfather's. We could not have picked a better name for her. She is fun and quirky and curly, just like her name. It fits.

The baby's name is very special to me. His first name is the ending of my maiden name. His middle name is my dad and brother's first name. My dad passed away when I was 20, after years of battling cancer. I was his little girl. I hope this name will honor him and his wonderful memory. He was the type of man that everyone adored. He was kind, and gentle, and hard working. The same traits that I pray over this baby. I think I will call him "Wing Man" on the blog.

One of the main reasons that I don't share the names here is to keep public opinion away. Since they are on the unusual side, we have received our fair share of negative comments.

When Loulabelle was just 1 month old a lady sent me into serious name regret. She walked up to me at the mall and gooed all over Lou. She told me how cute she was, yada yada. Then she asked me her name. Gushing with pride, I said the sweet word. The lady looked right at me and told me how weird that was, then walked away. I lived with Name Regret Syndrome for an entire month afterwards.

I have already had comments regarding this baby's name. Some love it, some hate it. It even took my family some time to adjust...and it's a family name!

The important thing is that we adore it. It is unique and meaningful. No one else has this name. It is actually a noun, but I am OK with that. We will say it with honor for the man he is named after was a good man.

(Whew. This is turning into a very long story.)

While Z-man was away at camp, we finished the baby's room. One of the first things he did was run in for a peek. He spent a few minutes looking around. When he came out, he was very quiet. Almost upset. Being sentimental, I thought he was just sad that his old room had changed and was no longer his. I asked him what was wrong.

"Do you not like the room?"

"No. I like the room. But why did you change the baby's name to WMM (pronounced whim)?"


"Oh, sweetie. Those are his initials."

"That's good. Cuz WMM (whim) is not a cool name!"

Everyone's a critic!

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Don't forget to visit my friend Pam and enter her fun GIVEAWAY!!!

Nine.

Nine days to go...

In the celebration of our new life, my friend Pam is hosting a GIVEAWAY!!!

Click over there and guess our baby's weight.

The prize will be good!!!

Ten.

That is the number of days that I will ever be pregnant again in my whole life.

That is the number of days that I will feel the secret of being kicked and tickled from the inside.

That is the number of days that I will feel my baby hiccuping inside me like he is now.

That is the number of days before our family grows to five.

That is the number of days that I have to emotionally and physically prepare for the birth of our last child.

That is the number of days until I can see the baby that God created for us.

That is the number of days I have to live with swollen, achy legs.

That is the number of days until our family's love will overflow.

Ten.

Peer pressure works for me.

I am making my lists, checking them twice. And I'm realizing that I have forgotten some of the basics of baby-raising. Not the feeding and the diapering and the exhaustion part. Heaven knows a mommy never forgets that stuff.

I am talking about products. Baby products. Mommy must-haves. The essentials necessary to make life easier. It seems like they are always thinking up new ideas.

I would love to hear from you some of your all-time favorite baby or mommy products.

What is it that you can't/couldn't live without during the infant stage? Anything goes, from nursing b*a's to changing pads.

Really. Do tell....

Oh, by the way. 22 Days to go!!!

According to the way-too-close-and-slightly-creepy guy at the local Wal-Marts, "I am fixin to have this thing. Ain't I?"

Hello. My name is Janelle and I have feelings.

Things I have heard today by complete strangers. In no particular order.

How much longer?

It looks like you could POP any minute? Apparently, this person thinks like my 4 year old daughter.

How old are the other 2?

You sure have your hands full.

Whoa. Let me get OUT of your way.

Tsk. Tsk. Poor thing.

What name do you have picked out? Oh. That is different.

Do you feel alright?

Not much longer, honey.

You could go at any time.

At least it's not really hot.

Girl, are you ever going to have that baby?

Ahh, poor thing.

PEOPLE, please!!! Just because I am pregnant doesn't give you the right to say the first thing that comes to your mind! I still have feelings behind this bump. I will only allow my real friends to be that honest!

BE NICE TO ME!!

Keep your bad manners to yourself, please.

I am sick. As in, can't breathe and my head is stuck under an eighteen-wheeler kind of sick. I am also REALLY pregnant, as in 36 days to go kind of pregnant. So with that in mind, I muster up some amazing faux-strength and head out to the grocery store.

My swollen feet carry me from aisle to aisle as I put who-knows-what into my cart. Finally, it's time to check out. The clerk was very kind to me as he emptied my cart and made small talk.

But the bagger lady. Hmmmmm. She could have used the good-ole "if you can't say anything nice" lecture from her mama!

Bagger: You are really pregnant.

Me: Yes. I know.

Bagger: (looking disapprovingly from my face to my stomach to my feet) How much longer?

Me: 5 weeks.

Bagger: Well, you look awful. Good luck!

Me:(this is what I said in my head) Oh, yeah! Do you want a piece of me, old bagger lady?

Me:(what I really said) Thank you.

Labor and Delivery

Labor and delivery according to a four year old. Apparently she thinks I am a balloon.

"Mommy, I know how our baby will come out."

"Oh, really! How?"

"You will get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and POP!!! Then the baby will be in our house."

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

8 weeks and counting....!!

Just checking things off my list, one item at a time!

Since my complete breakdown in the last post with my LIST. I have been making progress. Slowly, we are checking things off. Some are easier than others, but changes are being made.

One item on the list was to find a really cute diaper bag. Dawn and Shelley both told me about this bag on Earen's blog. I may be able to check that off the list! Whew!

All I have to do is win it. Then I have to send Earen an apology note and beg her to still be my friend.

If you want to see this super-cute bag for yourself, click here.

I can just feel the stress melting away one item at a time!

The Countdown List

Twenty eight weeks down, twelve to go.

The mad rush to finish projects has begun. I thought I would post my list just for accountability purposes. I am the #1 procrastinator. But if all of you will promise to nag me, then hopefully I will be more motivated.

As it stands now, I would rather sleep for the next 12 weeks and hope the baby likes the Pack-N-Play in the closet idea. I am beginning to be OK with that. People, I don't want to be OK with that. Please nag.

Daily and often.

Unless, of course, any of you can tell me how to access my inner genie so all I have to do is wiggle my nose and VOILA! It is doubtful that any of you are genies, so I guess I better make my list.

Today's list:
--cook dinner. We are having this. Yummy!
--figure out what I spent $200 on at the local grocery store. It just doesn't seem like I got that much.
--call my mom and ask if she's mad at me (check. She's not.)
--pull out Spring maternity clothes and pack away Winter
--find my toenail polish and attempt to polish sad, swollen toes
--form guest list for my shower!! Wanna come?
--finish this post before I become overwhelmed and SHUT DOWN occurs.

Before April 19th list:
--plan son's birthday party, send invites, call bakery
--light a fire under contractor's behind so the new bathroom gets finished. I have already cried on his shoulder, maybe tears just aren't effective anymore...
--clean up mess from construction
--decorate new sport's room and bathroom
--shop for bathroom stuff
--call mural painter for bathroom and baby's room (check. She is coming April 16th.)
--pass the Glucola test tomorrow
--birthday shop for Z
--clean and organize office equipment that we are pulling out of Z's new room
--find a place for said office equipment, probably the craft room.
--shed a few tears over loss of my craft space. Not that I have crafted anything in the last 2 years, but still it requires a period of mourning.
--buy a gift for the incredible girl who sewed baby's new bedding, any ideas?
--eat more fruits and vegetables and less Oreo's
--attend 5 family birthday parties
--participate in meetings planning our annual Walk for Life to benefit local pregnancy clinic
--try to survive these 2 weeks while keeping it all in perspective. These are my deadlines, not necessarily God's.

Before mid-June list:
--find a cool diaper bag
--check car seat expiration date
--weigh the pros and cons of using our double stroller (check. Shelley said so!)
--plan meals for freezer cooking. This was my best survival idea after Loulabelle was born. The freezer was packed with meals.
--actually cook those meals
--beg mom to help with landscaping crisis
--get carpet professionally cleaned
--give dog a bath, or two
--figure out how to keep son in brand-new bedroom
--get Z ready for camp, then actually send him...
--touch-up any paint in baby's room
--set up crib and decorate
--purge playroom
--stop buying Oreo's, for goodness sake.
--participate in Walk for Life
--buy a cute dress for my shower!
--sort through baby boy clothes and organize baby's closet
--smell the brand new Pampers (unused, I am not a sick-o)
--monogram something, anything
--try to finish Loulabelle's baby book. This may be a pipe dream.
--attend school field trip and music concert
--plan the kid's days/nights while I am in the hospital
--buy a king-sized bed. It's time.
--take maternity pictures with kids
--relax and enjoy the final days of being pregnant for the last time. It has gone by way too fast.

Nag on, my friends. You have my permission to be unbearable and bossy. Or, better yet, keep me company while I procrastinate.

A big piece of humble pie.

Maternity swimwear.

Talk about an oxymoron. Your body gets big and round while the swimwear stays the same size, covering only 9% of you. Not matter how cute the suit is, it doesn't do the complete job. I thought I still had a month or two before I had to go down this road. But today we decided to visit a local indoor waterpark. I am all for having fun with my family, but I usually like to do it fully clothed.

I have 4 suits to choose from, thanks to the generosity of several friends. They are very cute and stylish. Loulabelle wanted me to wear the pink one with white flowers. So I tried it on and did an overall assessment.

Not bad. The bump in front minimizes the bump in back.

I made my appearance from the bathroom. I knew Lou would be excited that I chose the suit she picked out. Z-man saw me first.

"That swimsuit doesn't make you look near as big as you are."

I am choosing to take that as a compliment as I face the day with only 9% of my body covered. Thankfully, we will be surrounded by complete strangers and they may or may not remember the whale in the pink floral suit.

Happy Spring Break!!

My poor, unfortunate blog.

My poor blog. My poor readers. Nothing to read except for Nerd's removal and my attitude adjustment. My biggest apologies.

Actually, I have thought about blogging all the mundane things happening in my life. But the words are never there. They are not flowing.

It is really sad when Skip comments everyday that he needs my updates. He is waiting on pins and needles just to see my name in bold on Bloglines. Well, he is sure to disappointed with this one. But here goes...

For the moment life is quiet. Change is right around the corner and we can all feel it, especially Z-man.

We are just starting a minor remodeling job to add a bathroom and closet for him. He is moving downstairs to a larger bedroom to make room for baby. He wavers between excitement and nervousness. We are trying to really celebrate the fact that he is our big boy with the most privileges. He expresses his insecurities at night as we put him to bed. There have been many times that he has shared (through tears) that he would rather share a room with the baby.

It is a bittersweet change for him. He wants to be big and brave, but really he is still so little. I hate to see him having to grow up so fast. Even though our downstairs is very open, it does seem like he is moving far away from me. I haven't showed him this. I show him my brave and excited face. I show him my strength and hope that he believes it. It does break my heart a little. But I know we must do it. We have no other options. I just pray that his little heart can take this change and not feel like it's a punishment.

*sigh*

Other news, the baby is kicking away. The pregnancy is going so fast, 23 weeks down and 17 to go. I am feeling great and having so much fun being pregnant now. It is also bittersweet knowing that this will be our last baby. As crazy as it sounds, I am missing the morning sickness. I feel sad to know that I will never feel that way again because of a new pregnancy.

That is CRAZY talk. I know. But it is true. Every time I think that I should slow down and savor this moment, another week has passed. The moments that I hope to never forget are when the kids can feel him kicking. The smile and joy on their faces is the absolute best feeling in the world.

Changes are in the works. They will come with warmer weather, sunshine and longer days. They are around the corner. But for now, we are quiet and calm. I am happy to be here.

Even in the midst of remodeling...

So, my poor, unfortunate blog. I hope you don't feel too neglected. You are loved even when I don't show it. I think about you more than you know.

THE REALLY BIG NEWS!!

What a sweet morning we had today. We loaded the car up with the kids and Skip's mom and headed to the BIG CITY to our ultrasound appointment. My mom met us there, so we had a big showing for sweet Lil' Poppy.

The kids were so excited as they led us down the long hallway to the procedure room. I have to admit that butterflies were flying around my tummy. I just wanted to see all the parts and pieces. Gender was important, but I wanted to see it all.

The six of us squeezed into the tiny room and I got ready on the table. The kids stood next to me while I laid down. It was so precious that I got to hold their little hands as we watched our new baby squirm away on the TV monitor before us.

Our tech really took a lot of time explaining all the body parts to the kids and made a special effort to get certain views, such as waving. She made Z and Lou feel such a part of the process. It was neat to hear them giggle when they saw fingers and toes.

She saved the gender for one of the last views. The view was so clear that it was no mistaking a little BOY!! Z-man grinned from ear to ear. Lou became a little silent until she was reminded that she was going to be a big help with the new baby. She will be the perfect Smother Mother. Then she became excited once again.

I praise God for our sweet family time He gave us this morning. What a precious memory that will hide in my heart forever. I am reminded of the words in Luke 2:19 after the birth of Jesus.

"But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart."

This day has become one of my all-time favorite days. Thank you, sweet Jesus.

I've got good news and bad news.

Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news?

Personally, I prefer the bad news first. I like to know that there is hope in any situation so I save the good for last. So here is the bad news. I am sick again. YUCK!!

Yesterday and today have been awful for me. Just like before...nausea, horrible taste in my mouth and some rushing to the restroom. I am feeling so discouraged by this. I want to cry, but I think I am too tired for that. I really hope this wave doesn't last long.

The good news is that my friends don't let me suffer alone. This friend begged to take Lou off my hands. At first I said no. I don't know why I do that. Probably because I don't want to inconvenience anybody. But she persisted. She is like that and I love that about her. Not only did she take Loulabelle, but she also picked Z up from school.

What a tremendous gift that was. After 4 hours of sleep, I feel somewhat better. Good enough to retrieve my children and pretend that I am a good mom.

Oh, and some more good news. There might be a slight chance that I have felt the baby's movements. It always takes a few days to register the fluttering sensation, but I think it is there. That puts a HUGE smile on my face!

What have I learned today? If you are in a position to bless or help someone. Just DO IT. Don't take NO for an answer. Thank you, Alana, for not taking me seriously! It made such a difference today!