Wrestling

For the last few weeks I have been a nervous wreck waiting to hear who Z's teacher is. I wrestled with God for days on end. Literally beating a dead horse. My biggest struggle is trusting God with my kids. I give them to Him, but I take them right back. Whatever the circumstance is. Give, take. Give, take. When will I trust with my whole heart that His will is better than mine? When will I release them completely without hesitation? Here is proof of His faithfulness.

Father, I am so nervous for Z in 1st grade. I pray for a kind and compassionate teacher. I pray for friends in his classroom, I pray for an easy transition. I pray that his heart and mind will open for learning. I pray that he will be motivated and willing to do the work. Father, I am anxious for this year.

Do not be anxious about anything.

I don't know what I am nervous about. But I have heard that this could be a hard year. Oh, how I pray that his teacher will love him and encourage him to be his best. Lord, I am nervous to find out who she is. Father, hand pick his classroom for him. Please.

I have it all under control. Trust Me.

Trust? I do trust You. I think. But do You know what he needs? Do You know how shy and sensitive he is? Will you pick his teacher based on that?

I know every hair on his head. He is fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are right, Lord. You created him to be the boy he is. I just don't want him to struggle.

Peace.

Peace? Why don't I feel peace? All I feel is worry and anxiety. Is Your peace really there?

My peace surpasses all understanding. It will guard your heart and mind. Take it, daughter.

OK, Lord. I will chose to trust You. I know You will take good care of us. I know that You have Z in the palm of Your hand. I just don't want him to struggle.

Tribulation brings perseverance. And perseverance, proven character. And proven character, hope. And hope does not disappoint.

Lord, you are right. I do want him to develop all of that. I do want him to become stronger. I don't want him to be too comfortable so that he never grows. He will have to face challenges. He will struggle. He will fail and face heartache. Oh, will I be able to take it?

Be strong and courageous. I am with you wherever you go.

Oh, Father! I can't believe how You provided for us. You did listen. You did hear my cry. Thank You, Lord. I am in awe. Not only did you provide a sweet teacher, but You also gave Z some friends. Thank You for Your favor. You are good. I am sorry that I didn't trust You. I am sorry that I couldn't release Z into Your waiting hands. I am sorry that I got in Your way. Please forgive me. I have so much to learn.

For I know the plans that I have for you. Plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find ME when you search for Me with all your heart.

Thank you, Father.

Fragrant Aroma

A log cabin in the midst of a beautiful forest. A wraparound front porch with swings and rocking chairs. A place for gathering and celebrating. An imperfect church for imperfect people. My favorite place in the whole world.

There are so many reasons why I deeply love our church. One of them is that we are not like the majority. We are not stained glass and fancy clothes. We are not ritualistic and legalistic. We are not organ music and stuffiness. We are real people loving a real Savior dealing with real life. We are imperfect.

I never realized what having a personal relationship with Jesus was about until I stepped through those doors. Our pastor is a teacher. He makes God's Word come alive and teaches us how to apply the scriptures in a life-changing way. For me, our church is intimate and comfortable like a good pair of shoes. It is our home.

Last night we gathered together for a prayer service. The lights were off. Candles and oil lamps lit up our beautiful sanctuary. Walking in the room, an immediate sense of peace rushed in to greet me. All around I saw people kneeling and praying and crying and worshipping. It was beautiful. I found my place on the floor,and spent an hour in His presence.

I imagined all of our prayers drifting to heaven and God being honored. In a world that doesn't honor Him, I know in that moment He was soaking up our prayers and smelling the fragrant aroma.

As I sat there last night, I realized that there is nowhere else I would raise my children. I want them to know what a personal relationship is all about. I want them to feel what we did last night. I want them to love the Lord with all their hearts. I want them to feel safe when they walk through those doors. I want them to know that we are imperfect and in need of a perfect Savior. I want them to have a passion for the Bible.

The good news is that God wants that for them as well.

Call to pray...

Jim & Dixie, we love you and are praying for your brother and family. Keep us posted.

11:30pm Our God is an AWESOME God! After being thrown from a dump truck, Jim's brother checks out just fine. Only stitches and observation. Thank you, Lord!