The {slightly annoying completely ridiculous} debate within.

So, I am having this ridiculous debate within myself and I need some wisdom.

It's so ridiculous, I can't believe I am even debating this. I am even more ashamed that I am admitting debating this.  It's taken up an enormous amount of mental energy over the last few months, weeks, days.

The debate?

To drink coffee, or not to drink coffee.

If you have known me long, you know that I looooovvveee coffee.  Well, that's not technically true.  I love the cream and sugar that make the coffee wonderful.  Think of the color ivory and go a few shades lighter than that.  That is how much cream and sugar it takes me to really loooooovvvveeee coffee.  In January 2010, I cut it out of my life.  I started noticing my waistline getting softer and my clothes getting tighter.  I don't blame it entirely on the coffee/cream/sugar, but it certainly didn't help matters.

So I cut it out.  Not back, O-U-T.

And I have missed it everyday since then.

Recently, I treated myself to a white chocolate mocha at bible study.

IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

Not really, but it was pretty darn good.  Except for the astronomy lesson fail.

{Other than that.}

After that day, I made myself wait one week, ONEWHOLEWEEK, until I could get another coffee treat at a Mom's Playdate.  ANOTHER HOME RUN.

Now?

It's all I can think about.

And I have fallen off the wagon.

{Currently sipping a sweet cup of creamy, sugary, caffeinated goodness}

{The flavor, Angel's Kiss, if you must know.  How could something so innocent be bad?}

I am super-duper happy holding a cup of coffee and reaping the amazing benefits. 

BUT THE GUILT IS ABOUT TO SUFFOCATE ME!!!

That is where you come in.  Help me make this decision.  

I am dead serious.

Do I dive back in and ration the cream and sugar down, or do I stop again and only treat myself occasionally?  And if I do start again how do I manage the guilt? And if I stop how do I manage the temptation?  What would you do if you were me? 

{See what I mean?}

It's comical that this has taken up so much of my mental energy.  But it has.

Soooooooooooooo.....

Give me wisdom, oh wise ones.

Mother's Day 2012

This is the season of parenting we are in. 

Busy.

Family time looks different than it did when we had toddlers.  Our weekdays are full of practices and games, one sport or another.  One parent going here, and the other parent going there.  Rarely are the five of us together at the same time.  And now we are in the season of Sunday games and Sunday recitals and Sunday tournaments.  Our schedule is packed.

It just is what it is.

Would I have rather been in church this morning?  Yes.  But I would have been torn.  I would have missed half of my heart.  I would have missed my people doing what they love.

So the question is, do we separate our attention?  Or, do we embrace the new season of family time?  How do we find balance in the midst of this season?  I don't know the answer.  I'm still trying to figure this parenting stage out.  I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes, but I'm learning to give myself grace.

I don't know much, but what I do know is that I would have missed seeing Zeb's helmet with my name written on it and his little hand-drawn heart.

I'm so glad I saw that sweet sign of affection {especially from him}.  I needed that.

With my whole heart, I needed that.

It's the little things that matter most during this season of busy.

Happy Mother's Day from an imperfect momma who is taking in the deep breath of grace today. 

How do you spell "cool?"

You probably spell it C-O-O-L.

Or, even K-O-O-L, if you so desire.

But I spell it C-H-A-M-B-E-R-S.

Zeb's teacher, Miss Chambers, took time out of her busy schedule to watch a few of her students play a double header last night.  I can't say enough about how happy those kids were when they saw her in the crowd rooting for them.  She cheered and took lots of pictures of her boys.  During the second game, she even bribed them with classroom incentives if they hit the ball and ran the bases.  IT WORKED!!  Almost all of them had monster hits and we won the game.

...aaaannd then the parents made her take a blood oath saying she'll come to all the rest of their games. 

Baseball players are very superstitious.

{Not really.}

{The blood oath thing, not the superstitions.}

{They are weird about that.}

{Skip wore the same "I heart Mickey Mouse" boxers for his entire high school playing career.}

{I'm not even joking.}

{He still has them.}

Personally {selfishly} I loved having some time to talk with her without feeling rushed by the school clock.  She is incredibly easy to talk to and I am enjoying getting to know her better.  But the way she treats Zeb has earned her a forever spot in my heart!

I am a fan.

Miss C, you ARE one of the c-o-o-l kids!!!

one thousand gifts...a dare

I am currently in a book that is literally MESSING WITH ME. Twisting me inside and out.  Turning my whole relationship with God on it's head.  In a good way.  A better way.

I am realizing that I have kept God at arm's length pretty much my entire life.  I know He is "there" wherever that really is. But do I really KNOW Him?  Do I FEEL Him?  Daily?  Anytime?  Ever?

Do I hear Him whisper to me? 

Do I sense He is near?

There are times that I can say YES!! 

But more often, I can't.  Sadly, that tends to perpetuate the arm's length relationship that has existed for many years.  It's my fault.  I haven't been intentional AT ALL with our relationship for some time.  I haven't put in the time or the effort into getting the most out of our friendship. 

And I was the one to suffer.  Suffer through some pretty dark places in my heart.  Wander through my own personal desert.  {Anyone relate?}  I felt the urgency to change the situation.  A phone call from a friend regarding a new Bible study WITH CHILDCARE {amen?} was the invitation I needed.  Through the study, my friend and I made a pretty huge decision to start waking up at 5:00am to workout and have quiet time.  We committed to a two week trial period and currently we are on week seven.  PRAISE!

Throughout this time, I started reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts.  A dare to LIVE FULLY right where you are are. 

This book?

MIND BLOWING.

Thankfulness is interwoven in her achingly beautiful story.  How she connected giving thanks, to JOY and GRACE has left me breathless.  Here are some of her words.

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is possible.  JOY IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE.  Whenever, meaning now:  wherever, meaning here..  The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience.  The joy wonder could be here!  Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be--unbelievable--possible!  The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.

I whisper it out loud, let the tongue feel these sounds, the ear hear their truth.

Charis.  Grace

Eucharisteo.  Thanksgiving

Chara.  Joy

A threefold cord that might hold life?  Offer a way up into the fullest life?

Grace, thanksgiving, joy.  Eucharisteo."

I am still making my way through this book.  It's not one to rush, it's one to savor and ponder.  It's one that challenges you to find God around you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.  Look for Him.  Thank Him.  Experience Him.  Adore Him.

I reached #300 on my list of 1000 gifts this morning and thought I would share some of them with you.  It's already changed me.  I have seen God in places that I would have walked right by before.  He is there.  All there.

1.  A dark, quiet 5:00am house.

8.  Painting Langley's toes, making her feel special

15.  Texts from Skip...anytime.  He loves me.

19.  Knowing what is for dinner {amen??}

28.  First hugs of the day.

33.  My mom and her willingness to help.

41.  To-Do list that gets DONE

45.  Loving teachers.

46.  Opening the dryer to find towels, NOT WHITES!!  {seriously}

48.  Active grandparents that want relationships with my kids!  Both sides!!!

52.  I can argue with God and He is totally OK with that.

78.  Homemade tortillas {Alana, are you reading that??  Ha!}

111.  Zeb's baseball coach  {He's HOT}

119.  Easter Sunday

135.  My Grannie's strength and beauty

150.  Clean bathrooms along a running trail.  {Carissa!!}

200.  Zeb turns 11!!! 

212.  Zeb pitching a winning game!! 

243.  Day of rest for our family!  Rare and needed

249.  Date night with Langley at Panera. 

256.  Wit learning to fish.

281.  Friends that tell the truth....even when you don't want to hear it.

283.  Much needed time snuggling with Skip and the TIVO.

294.  My brother coming to play with the kids and eat dinner.

299.  The assurance that GOD is control, not me.

300.  FINDING WIT'S BLANKET, aka "soggy".  {holla!!}

God is in all those things.  I know He is.

He cares about me.

He cares about you.

I'm thankful.

 

Astronomy fail.

Have you ever had a day where you just saw the world more clearly? Where everything is in focus and sharp. You feel alive and refreshed and really, really AWESOME.

That was last Wednesday for me.

I was ON.

And I was LOVING it because I know how rare those days are for me.

Not once did I lose my patience with the countless, "why's" coming from the backseat. I embraced each of them as a learning opportunity. I taught Wit about shadows and light, sunshine and shade. We stared up at the clouds and saw whales and airplanes and Santa. We ran in a field of dandelions and twirled until I almost threw up.

I just couldn't stop the awesome.

{really hope you can hear the sarcasm here}

Anyway, sometime during the day I realized the source of all this energy.  It came in the form of a white chocolate mocha.  I was fully caffeinated, which is rare.  Days like this make me wonder why I ever gave up caffeine in the first place.

I kept waiting for the crash.  The caffeine coma that happens about 5 hours after a really strong drink.  But it never hit.  I never crashed.  I just kept getting more awesome! {sarcasm, again.}

As I was driving the kids after school we saw the moon in the bright blue sky.  Every time this happens, Wit screams at the moon and tells it to, "GET BACK TO CHINA."  You know, because every three year old cares about time zones and moon cycles.

Oh silly child. 

I thought it best to use this as an amazing opportunity to teach my precious children astronomy.  We pulled into the garage and I proceeded to get two balls, one big and one small.  The big one I called EARTH and the small ball I called THE SUN.

{did you catch that, cause I sure didn't}

I assumed my best teacher voice and proceeded to instruct my two youngest about the daily cycle of the sun rotating around the earth.  With the big ball of EARTH in one hand, I moved the small SUN around it and said,

"We are on the top of the Earth and when the sun is above us, it is daytime.  When the sun rotates below us, it is night for us but day for the countries on the bottom.  And the sun does this every day."

everysingleday

FACT:  The sun rotates around the Earth everyday.  I had visual aids to prove it which immediately makes it 87% more legit.

Somewhere along my unforgettable astronomy lesson, Zeb walked up.  He listened for about half a minute before he interrupted and said,

"Mom, really?  REALLY?  Are you kidding?  Why are you LYING to them?"

He's eleven.  What could he possibly know about astronomy.  This was MY MOMENT.  Mine and my rockin' visual aids.  I'm at the top of my game.


"Son, I am not LYING to them, I am teaching them about how the sun rotates around the earth everyday making night and day."  sheesh

"Mom???  Are you OK?"

"Um, yeah.  I'm MORE than OK.  Why?"

"Oh, I don't know...BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG!!!  {insert really annoying tween boy laughter.  I am sure you don't have to use your imagination.}  The sun doesn't revolve around the earth AT ALL.  And you have the size of the balls all wrong.  The big ball is the sun and the little ball is the earth.  THE EARTH SPINS AROUND THE SUN AND IT TAKES A WHOLE YEAR.  A WHOLE YEAR, MOM"

Now the tween boy laughter just got louder and louder and louder and more annoying.  In fact, it was starting to hurt a little.  Finally, he walked away.

"Hey, Dad?  You should hear what mom just said about the sun and the earth.  I JUST SCHOOLED HER"

aaaaaannnnd, the teacher becomes the student.

I guess all the awesome had worn off somewhere in the field of dandelions and twirling.

Which, I nailed, by the way.

Fodder Dodder Canoe Trip

There is something magical that happens every spring on a river in Arkansas.

The annual Fodder Dodder Canoe Trip.

Canoeing and magical together in the same sentence???  What?

That's right.  Magical.

Because to a little girl having her big, strong daddy all too herself for two whole days is very magical.

He is her hero.

Her knight in shining armor.

Her very own daddy.

Just nothing but time and a river to spend together.

She knows her daddy is all there for her.

When he should could be working.

He choose her.

And that, my friends, is magical.

True love between a daddy and his princess. 

And his really big hat.

The 24 reasons why I love my smart phone.

If I had the nerve, I would re-title this post to say, "The 24 reasons why I am glad I didn't ruin my smartphone by peeing on it."

But I'm not that brave.

I am afraid some sicko would go*gle "smart phone" and "pee" and end up here looking at all my reasons I love my phone. That just gives me the shivers.

I know it's happened a million times before to lots of other great people. Your hands are full so you put your phone in your back pocket. Then you forget about it when you enter the restroom. Normal people might hear the PLOP as their phones hit the water. Not me. No ma'am. I barely even register the {how should I put this} splash. I thought it was just a jiggly toilet seat. Little did I know that MY LIFE was in that toilet!

Everyone with a smart phone knows EXACTLY what I mean by that!

After screaming and being sufficiently freaked out for the occasion, a friend of mine grabbed my {wet} phone and took it all apart and dumped it in a baggie full of silicon beads. It all happened so fast. I will never forget the look on his face when he realized WHY my phone was wet.

ICKY.

A day and many prayers later, my phone came back to life! {Praise Jesus!} I didn't lose one single thing, most of all my pictures.

The reason for this post. The 24 reasons why I love my smart phone, and the stories behind them.

**warning, very long post ahead! 
**literally fought with wordpress and blogger for two days on this post, so the pictures are in very random order.  I just want to be done!!!

Skip and I both graduated from Texas Christian University.  They send baby gifts when alumni announce births.  Wit found this in a drawer!  He is TCU quality, alright.

Alana and I trained to run in a half marathon this December.  {What? What?}  This was before the race started, the after was NOT SO FRESH!  What a journey this was for us.  Lots of emotional highs and lows.  My lowest point in training was fighting with Achilles tendinitis.  Very painful.  Around mile 8 of the race, it gave out.  I couldn't run without excruciating pain.  I convinced Alana to go on without me and we parted through a haze of tears.  I was turning back when a friend from church came alongside me and said I would regret this forever if I didn't finish.  Even if it took hours, I was finishing.  My friend Pam walked a mile with me and finally I decided I wanted to run the rest of the race.  It was only God and me at that point.  He gave me the strength to cross that finish line with my head held high!  I am so proud of what we accomplished!

Happy Valentine's Day! Love decorating for this special day!

I love these women! We met in the early days of parenting at MOPS. What an incredible gift! Alana, Michelle, Shelley and Jen...I love you!

Wit meets the Easter Bunny!  My only kiddo who wasn't terrified!

Sweet Langley had a speaking part in her 2nd grade musical!  Her lines were about how F-U-N music is and how it helps us learn.  {doesn't she look like she is having FUN?}  So proud of my shy girl for having the courage to speak in front of hundreds of people.  Even if she didn't look like she was having F-U-N!

PLAY BALL!!!  Opening day for 2012.  My favorite player is up to bat. 

Zeb's athletic cup, aka, "Mr. Happy."  I will never understand boys.

Easter Sunday 2012.  This is the first year no one had matching new clothes.  I call it growth on my part.  I just don't care anymore!  Or, maybe I do care but I'm too tired.  Anyway, they look lovely!  I am proud of my kids!

This picture makes my heart happy.  Less than a year ago, my brother had a stroke and you would never know it.  He is getting stronger and healthier as the year has gone on.  I am so very proud of all the work he has done for himself.  I love that he takes such an interest in my kids.  He taught Zeb how to grill the most amazing burgers!  We love Uncle Mikey!

Easter Sunday at my Grannie's house.  We had a wonderful time celebrating Easter with a lot of food and outdoor fun!  My cousin, Renae and her son, Ayden came from Kansas.  From left to right, Renae, Grannie, me, my pretty mom, and Langley!  I am blessed by these amazing and strong women!

Skip drooling and dreaming over an 80 inch TV.  I couldn't get him to move from that spot and when I did, he had drool running down his chin.  Thou shalt not covet.

April 18, 2001 at 7:47am this awesome kids was born.  Eleven years has flown by.  Being a first born means that we make mistakes together.  I am trying to figure out how this thing called GRACE works!  But mostly, I love this kid!!!!

Her mission?  Find every climbing tree and climb them.

I take my Wingman along when I volunteer at school.  There is a secret workroom in Langley's school and that is usually where we like to do our work.  It's quiet and small and just the right size for a paper fort built by a three year old!  He makes a new one every week!

SOGGY.  Where have you gone, Soggy?  Wit misses you so much.  I keep thinking you will turn up, but you stay hidden.  Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to order two of these amazing blankies.  I am so afraid we will lose the last one though!

P90X.  It's a miracle I even get up in the morning!  I set my alarm for 4:45 because my sweet neighbor comes over at 5:00 sharp.  We spend an hour working out before the world wakes up.  I have come to love this time so much.  Meanwhile, across town is another friend that wakes up at 5:00 to do the same.  We text each other to make sure we got ourselves out of bed!  It's a great way to hold each other accountible!

What a fun memory this was!  My stepdad is a professional angler {it means he fishes real good for money}.  Anyway, he was in a tournament on our local lake and was in good standing to come in first.  We sent him this text message the final day.  AND...He won!!!  It was so exciting!  He's kind of a big deal in the fishing world and we get the priviledge of calling him, "grandpa."

I can't get enough of this face.  This loud, crazy, yelling face has me head over heels!

There are no words.

First time Wit wrote his name!!  W-I-T!!!  So glad I had my camera to capture this precious memory!!

October 28, 2003 at 1:59pm a beautiful, sweet, kind baby girl was born.  Life has never been the same!  Now she is eight and I just want her to freeze here.  Thankyouverymuch.

One of my favorite things I did last year was to run a 5K with Zeb on Thanksgiving morning.  It was amazing to be with him.  Skip and Zeb have so many more chances to bond through sports, but running is mine and his alone.  We had the best time talking and laughing.  My heart will remember this day forever!!!!  And, wow.  That kid is fast!

After the half marathon and all my ankle struggles, Alana recommended that I have my running assessed by a local running store.  They video you running and can tell everything about you in the thirty second feed.  I have always had Asics and through this process learned that they are one of the worst things for MY running.  They fitted me in a Brooks minamalist shoe.  Not only is it sassy, but it is the miracle that I needed to keep my running up.  Currently, Alana and I are still running twice a week.  We aren't training, but maintaining about 5 miles.  The shoe assessment was well worth the time!  If you run, DO IT!!!

Thank you so much for hanging in there with me!  I have about 300 more photos on my phone that are now safetly uploaded to my computer.

JUST IN CASE...