Blink of an eye.

I started the day dreading the activity to come. I knew in my gut that it would take all the strength I had to make it through the day.

Saturday. A very busy day.

At noon, we needed to be at the public pool for a cub scout swim party. Skip had to be out of town, so I needed to tackle this on my own. We had gone to the pool on Wednesday, and with the help of good friends, it was enjoyable-ish. I knew Saturday would be really crazy and really packed.

I was dreading it.

We camped out under the pavilion with several friends and a loving grandma, who watched Wingman sleep in his stroller. After an hour, I began to relax. And by relax, I mean that I wasn't twitching anymore.

I scanned the pool to look for Z and Loulabelle. I saw Lou, but didn't see Z. Nowhere. I saw all of his friends and their dads, but no Z. When did I last see him? I don't know.

I started to panic and ask friends if they knew where he was. No one did. The parents started to look more carefully and offer help. Coming toward me was our nephew that we brought with us for moral support. He looked very serious and asked if I knew where Z was.

My stomach dropped. I was hoping that Z was with him. Further panic ensued. I ran to the nearest lifeguard who was not the most helpful.

Me: "Excuse me. What should I do if I can't find my son?"
Lifeguard: (looking dazed and confused) "What should you do if you can't find your son? Umm.

After the initial shock wore off, the lifeguard jumped into action and alerted all the others with his whistle. They all began to scan the water. That is a horrible feeling knowing that they are looking on the bottom of the pool for your child.

Lifeguard: "Would he have gone on the slide?"
Me: "Not by himself. I don't think so."

Just then our nephew, who I sent to search the bathroom, walked up. He had tears in his eyes and he looked really afraid. He checked all the stalls and showers, no Z-man.

With that, I was rendered completely useless. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I could only pace back and forth trying to make sense of what was happening. How much time had passed? I don't know. It seemed like an eternity.

Finally, I heard shouts. I looked around to find Alana and her husband standing with Z. Relief poured over me. My legs turned to jelly as the adrenaline wore off. I ran over to them and grabbed Z in my arms. I didn't want to let him go. Ever.

Apparently, he thought he was with his cousin. They had a plan to go to the slides but they miscommunicated about which slide they were going to. Both boys thought the other was right behind them. Honest mistake.

Even now, three days later, I feel the panic rise up in me. Thankfully, this story has a happy ending but I am reminded that life can change in the blink of an eye.

I am off to hug on some kids. Whether they want me to, or not.

What's with all the licking?

I mentioned that the kids like to kiss on the baby, a lot. They also enjoy a good lick once in awhile. I wondered what the fun in licking a baby is all about, so I went to try it. I mean, it must be good because they KEEP DOING IT.

Anyway, I couldn't go through with it. I was thissss close.

What stopped me? The fact that my baby's head smelled like a combination of Pizza Rolls and fruit snacks.

Must
make
kids
stop
licking
the
baby!

ASAP.

Don't tell them I almost tried it.

You're Invited!!

You are cordially invited to attend

Janelle's Pity Party

Date: Past and Present with lots of worry for the future

Time: As long as it takes you to read this

Will serve: Bile sandwiches and Toxic Waste punch

Please RSVP, or don't. I don't care.

It has been a long, hard day of calculating my many failures. It has not been pretty, friends. I have failed and let me count the ways.

I have failed Our Father. I haven't invested ANY time lately reading, praying, thanking, confessing. Instead I fill my limited free time reading blogs and have been left hungry and not satisfied. In the same 10 minutes I could have been encouraged, disciplined, corrected, forgiven, etc. But still I choose the quick, easy. That is just one little way I have failed My God today. There are hundreds more.

I have failed Skip. In this season of welcoming and caring for a new baby, all the grunt work or slave labor has fallen to him. Anything I don't have time for or can't handle, he gets. And he gets it without much appreciation. He just serves. His needs and wants have been put so far on the back burner they aren't even on my radar right now. I can see the toll it's taking on him and us.

I have failed Z. I have been quick to anger, quick to yell, quick to jump to conclusions. I have held him to a higher standard than I have for myself. Why should I expect perfection from a 7 year old, when My Father doesn't expect perfection from me?

I have failed Loulabelle. My tongue was so sharp today when she was trying to help calm the baby. Her big blue eyes filled up with tears and they dropped down her sweet cheeks. I embarrassed her in front of her friends. Shame on me.

I have failed Wingman. He logged about 8 hours in the car seat today. We were on the go all day and he went along for the ride. I pushed his feedings too late and he had to cry longer than I felt comfortable with. He is too little to feel sad, or lonely, or discomfort. I hated that I had no time to hold him and whisper in his ear. My heart is heavy.

There are more failures. There always are. When you start walking down this road, your failures are everywhere like a billboard for the world to see. I have let so many people down....

"My grace is sufficient for you."

What? Who said that?

"My grace is sufficient for you."

Oh, it's You. Lord, I don't deserve this life you have given me. I am not worthy of your love and attention. But yet You chose me. You love me. You want me to climb out of this pit and rejoice. Thank you, Lord for loving a failure like me. I don't need to live with this condemnation because I belong to You. Help me find a way to learn from these failures.

Help.

First.

First peek.

First breath.

First embrace.

First outfit.

First protector.

First ride.

First lick???? Sad to say, not the last!

First secret.

First high five.

First swing. (Loulabelle was the photographer)

First walk. Ugh...the sun!

First bed.

First Fourth. (hated it)

First bath. (Yes, we have space issues)

First man to man.

First perfection.

First ball game.

First Gramps.

First month.

Sweet Wingman, you are such a blessing. Everyday with you is more wonderful than the last. You are so small and soft, we can't keep our hands off you. Life is moving so fast. You are the third, so our world moves faster than it did for the others. That makes me sad for you. You have less time to just "be". I try to hold you as often as I can. You mold your sweet body against mine and sigh with contentment. I love those moments with you. I wish we could have all the time in the world. I dread going to sleep every night because I miss you. But thankfully, you are sleeping well. Daddy loves the moments he gets you all to himself. He doesn't like to share you. Your brother and sister can't stop kissing (and licking) you. You haven't minded their attention. It has been the best month of our lives!

When you give a 7 year old the camera....

Free advice.

45 mile round trip to pediatrician.
25 dollar co-pay.
2 stops to feed baby before and after.
3 hour trip.
1 well fed baby.
0 times spitting up since. ZERO, NADA. ZIP.

Seriously, this is my third child. You would think that I would learn to wait certain things out.

I guess once a freaker-outer, always a freaker-outer. Except for the time that Loulabelle ate a handful of worms when she was just 8 months old. I was perfectly calm then. I think calling the doctor about that would have put me at risk for possible Child Protective intervention.

It's about picking your battles. Three days worth of spit-up, you call. Consuming handful of earthworms, no call.

You won't find that advice in any parenting book.

On a lighter and considerably softer note, we are back in the Charmin business. Hello 2-ply. You have been missed.

Are you going to blog anytime soon?

Is the question I keep asking myself.

It is hard to describe with words how ordinary and EXTRAORDINARY life is right now. So I may just have to update in list format.

That's inspired writing, folks!

1. Diapers, feeding, laundry, kid's squabbles and repeat every 2 hours, or until your mind becomes numb.

2. We are heading to the pediatrician today for a weight check (thank goodness, not me!) Wingman has been spitting up the entire feeding for the last 2-3 days. They want to make sure it's nothing. ***UPDATED**** Wingman is doing great. Doctor thinks he is just getting too much milk. His weight is up to 8.10. Little fatty.

3. My friends ROCK!! The meals that have been made for us have blog post written all over it. We have been treated like royalty these last 3 weeks. I will post some yummy recipes soon. Everything from Bowtie Pasta to Bbq Chicken Pizza. It has all been HEAVENLY!

4. Skip bought generic toilet paper. I won't even go there!

5. Today was the first day that I took all three kids someplace. We were there on time! Everyday my confidence is growing. I think we will get this figured out before school starts.

6. Hormones are leveling out! Praise Jesus! I am feeling like a nice mom again, not some terrorist ready to blow the whole family.

7. Really, there is not much going on in my brain. This is pretty dull.

8. So. Paci or no paci? That is the question around here these days.

9. Three weeks!!!??? When did my baby turn 3 weeks old? Sheesh, next thing you know we will be packing him for college.

10. Can I tell you how much I love my OB/GYN? I am practically her stalker hoping that she will be my BFF. I keep telling myself that I am her favorite. Maybe I am....

11. The Office. I don't get it. I need help.