What didn't kill me made me stronger.

Remember when I told you that someone famous wants me dead? 

How do I know she wants to kill me? She says crazy things like...

"I want you to feel like you are going to die."

I'm no expert, but that sounds like a death threat to me.

Well, guess what? She didn't kill me. The thirty days of exercise didn't send me to my grave, although there were definite times I thought it would.

I made it out alive.

And I have plenty to say about it.

Go refill your water and grab an apple. Get comfy and I will share my

30 THOUGHTS FOR THIRTY DAYS.

Hey!  I see you.  PUT THE COOKIE DOWN.  I said  APPLE, not cookie.

OK.  That's better.

Here we go.

1.  I went into this challenge knowing that I was going to fail.  How's that for starters?  I have read about The 30 Day Shred and have talked with people going through it.  They all said the same thing.  It's tough.  It hurts.  I just want to quit.  So I didn't have high expectations.

2.  For the first two days I used two cans of green beans as my weights.  I knew we owned some hand weights but for the life of me I couldn't find them.

3.  Any day that has a 3 in it...3, 13, 23, 30...were the hardest.  By far.

4.  If you are familiar with The Shred you have seen Natalie cheat.  She is the girl that does the more advanced routine. She's a cheater.  I don't like her.

5.  This is the day my kids found out.  They (meaning Zeb) laughed at me for the whole thirty minutes.  Sticks and stones, my son.  Sticks and stones.

6.  Jillian says it's a twenty minute workout.  It's 27 minutes and 45 seconds to be exact.  I feel the need to tell her that it's really 2 minutes and 15 seconds shy of a HALF FREAKIN HOUR.

7.  If I didn't love the TV like I do, I would have thrown my cans of green beans through the screen in hopes of hurting Jill-Jill and her hateful sidekicks.

8.  Accountability is HUGE for me.  Without it, I would have failed by now.

9.  I have started sleeping in my workout clothes, everything but the socks and shoes.  Ready for the morning.

10.  Day 10 moved up to level 2.  Can't believe I have made it to day 10.  The routine in level 2 is crazy hard.

11.  The only breakfast I have had for the last 11 days has been Tylenol.  Surely that has to mean that I am losing weight.  Right?

12.  I just want people to stop asking me when my baby is due.  When did that question come off the NEVER ASK A WOMAN list?  People are rude.

13.  I laid on the floor and cried.  My baby boy brought me his "soggy"...aka, blanket.  I couldn't love him more.

14.  The hardest day to fit in the workout is Sunday.  Getting everyone clean and fed and out the door for church is an Olympic sport.  Now to squeeze in 27 minutes and 45 seconds of additional work.  Next to impossible.

15.  PAIN!!!!!  My knees are not feeling good.   So many squats and lunges.  I feel old and tired.

16.  Learning about grace and how important it is to give myself some. 

17.  Took a peek at Level 3.  OH MY WORD.  What the heck?

18.  Day 18, my son's birthday.  I did workout only because I knew that I would be eating a ton of food and cake.  I backed it down to level one because of my knees.  Don't let the term "level 1" fool you.  It's no joke.

19.  Ready to dive into level 3.  I actually loved some of the intense circuits.  This will end up being my favorite level.

20.  I have tried all kinds of different exercise.  If I had to choose something to do all the time it would be swimming.  But I don't have swimming hair.  I am falling in love with the concept of a DVD workout.  I have about 30 minutes in the morning after the kids go to school and it's starting to be the best time of day.  No one needs me.  I can focus on myself.

21.  I love the circuit method.  3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes cardio and 1 minute abs.  I am ADHD when it comes to exercise.  I like the pace and variety.

22.  I see a huge change in my endurance just like Jill-Jill promised.  At the beginning I had to take so many breaks and follow Anita, the gal who does the lower impact workout.  I am feeling stronger and don't have to take as many breaks.  I can do most of the advanced workout with little modification.  That, my friends, is victory!

23.  I had a pity party on this day because no one has noticed anything yet.  That sounds horrible to admit.  Vanity and pride.  I am having to fight those feelings and remember why I started this journey.  To get fit and healthy.  Not for approval.

24.  OW.  OW.  OW.  Are the words I say when I sit down and when I get up.  Everything hurts.

25.  I think in her own twisted way, Jillian really does care about me.  She says I am strong.  She says I can do it.  She wants me to FIGHT FOR IT. 

26.  My biggest joy was when my oldest (see # 5...he doesn't laugh anymore) worked out with me and helped push me to try the ROCKSTAR JUMPS.  I have struggled with this move and he helped me through it.  Afterward, he brought me a bottle of water and a towel.  Love.

27.  Jillian is a liar.  She said we should be seeing a SIX PACK right about now.  I think the only people that see a six pack are the ones that started with a four pack. Personally, I have a two pack and a giant keg.

28.  Food is starting to be an issue right about now.  I tried eating something that I ate just one month ago.  It was horrible and heavy.  My tastes are starting to change.  My desire for food is lessening.  Praise Jesus!

29.  I ordered the next DVD from Jill-Jill.  Ripped in 30.  I also ordered Yoga Meltdown.  I am hoping to rotate between all three.  I think it's safe to say this is a longer journey for me than just 30 days.  I have learned to love doing this for myself.  I also love my accountability group (you know who you are).  I look forward to our next chapter in this journey.

30.  WOOT!!  WOOT!!  I have noticed changes in my body.  My waist doesn't feel as thick when I put my hands on it.  I can finally take my wedding ring off again (I don't like sleeping with it on or wearing it in the shower).  My face doesn't seem as full.  My legs feel stronger.  I don't know if I have lost much weight, but I feel firmer.  I have to remember that this is a LIFE LONG journey, not a sprint. 

In summary...

I highly recommend this workout for anyone.  Having said that...You WILL hurt.  You WILL feel like you want to die.  You WILL want to throw something at the TV.  You WILL grunt, scream and maybe curse.

But stick with it. 

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are worth it.

Fight for yourself.


I WILL be cheering for you!

The Happy Halfs.

Today is Langley's Happy Half Birthday!

I know what you are thinking. Isn't April crazy enough with real birthdays that you make up more things to celebrate?

Oh, yes. We do.

There are some traditions that I am happy to let go of like decorating Easter eggs.  We tried to be consistent with that for the first couple of years and lately we don't even bother.  The kids don't miss it, and frankly, NEITHER DO I.

Bye, bye mess! 

Bye, bye guilt!

But the tradition of the "Happy Halfs" is one of my favorite keepers.  On the day of your Happy Half you get to decide who to have a date with and where to go.  We keep the choices pretty simple.  Donuts or ice cream?  Mom or Dad?

Last night Langley was almost asleep when I went into her room to check on her.  She gave me a sleepy hug and asked me if I would mind if she choose to date her daddy instead of me.

"Of course not, sweetie."  As my heart melted into a puddle of sugary goo.

She smiled and rolled over to sleep.

Her daddy woke up early this morning to get ready for his special date.  He was excited to spend time with his favorite girl.  Tell me.  Is there anything sweeter than a daddy who delights in his baby girl? 

No.  I didn't think so.

Celebrating the Happy Halfs is a simple and easy tradition.  I love it because it tells our kids that they are special to us.  It creates some one-on-one time with a parent.  That alone time is in high demand with our crazy scheduled life.

And when you are the one chosen for this special date. 

PURE JOY.

Nothing compares to the feeling of being chosen.

Because sometimes I whine about stupid things.

On Tuesday, Langley's class went on a field trip to our local college. They toured the jelly kitchen, the mill, the museum, the Star School, and the dairy.

It was during the dairy part of the trip that I whipped out my phone to take pictures of the cutey dairy cows in an effort to woo this amazing blog friend to pack up her family and move to B-Town. Her husband is a veterinarian who works with dairy cows and I wanted to prove to her that we have us some COWS.  As I was texting her pictures I had the fleeting thought that maybe I depend too much on my phone. 

Addicted??

Nah.  That's crazy talk.

Two hours later my phone broke.

Lord?  Is that you? 

I have now been without a phone for two days and feel like I want to whine mightily about it.  I was all set to do that until I drove around town yesterday.

Nothing like a trip just mere miles away from my comfortable home to realize that THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WORSE OFF.

Our small town is flooded in many parts.  People have lost their homes and businesses with more water coming our way.  The surrounding lakes and streams are full.  The dam is releasing more water than ever recorded in history.

I had my camera with me. Even though they aren't great pictures, they show the devastation our area is experiencing. 

This dock was half a mile from my neighborhood.

Half a mile from my comfortable life.

A park in my grandma's neighborhood.

It's amazing to see in person.

Water takes over everything.

There was flooding in my grannie's neighborhood.  Thankfully, her house was spared.

View of the kamp my kids go to in the summer.  Lower fields completely under water.

Zipline course at the summer kamp.

Goose wandering the streets looking for food.



Someone's backyard.  Their front was worse.  House completely under water.  Only in the Ozarks would there be a broken down house boat in someone's flooded backyard.  We might be rednecks.



Back yards and front all taken over.  This is where the police asked gawkers like me to move on.

A look at the swollen lake.

The force of the water coming off the dam got us completely soaked about a mile away.  Nothing compares to the power and majesty of water.  Devasting and beautiful.

Looking at these pictures makes me sad.  It makes me realize that NOTHING IS FOREVER.

Not our phones.

Not our homes.

Not our cushy lives.

The ONLY thing that is forever is Jesus!  Our rock.  Our fortress.  Our safety in times of struggle.  With HIM, nothing can hurt us.

Not even the floodwater.

I am humbled.

Easter 2011

Every year I line the kids up on the front porch for the obligatory Easter picture.

This year was no different.

They don't love it, but they indulge me.

Someday they will appreciate this.

At least that's what I chose to believe.

April Madness.

A basketball tournament fit for a TEN year old.

Every year we give the kids a choice for our present to them. They can either have a friend party or presents from us. Since we have tons of family that shower them with gifts on their birthday, they almost always choose to have a friend party as their gift from mom and dad.

This year, Zeb wanted to have a basketball tournament. He invited 15 boys and made 3 teams of 5. He randomly chose the team captains and then they each chose their teams.  The games were 10 minutes long and they each played each other.  Then they had bracket play. 

(as a girl, I just nod my head and pretend to know about the bracket and the seeds.)

(just smile and wave)

We invited some older boys to be the referee for the games.  Not every call they made was perfect, but they sure did enjoy the power trip!  It was fun to watch them engage the younger boys.  We had a couple of upset boys after the ref's called something a foul, or missed calling something else a foul.  But all in all,  it was pretty fair.

Even little sister was included in the day!

The competition was fierce, but team black swept the tournament!

The boys played with such intensity that Skip had to keep reminding them that this was a fun thing.  He called a huge team meeting after the championship game was over just to make sure there were no hurt feelings and that all the boys were still friends.  Skip did a good job about reminding these awesome kids that it's OK to be competitive, but our character always comes first.  This group of boys is really special and I pray that they will stick together as they grow up.

After "the talk", they were rewarded with hot dogs, chips and a giant cookie cake.

This was the easiest party because Zeb did all the planning.   It was neat to see him process through the plan.  He made a five page booklet of party notes, layout, brackets and schedule.

I think he might have a career!

Good Friday.

Having feet has finally paid off.

Last night was the FOURTH annual spring Flip Flop Exchange hosted by a very sweet friend. It is the best girl party ever. The food is excellent, the women are lovely and everyone is happy to leave with a brand new pair of fabulous flip flops.

If you have a group of friends or co-workers, this is the next party you need to host!  Read here for a detailed description on how to organize a party of this magnitude.  It is so worth your time! 

I pinky swear.

These are the beautiful girls that were there last night.  This party keeps growing every year. 

Only two pairs of flip flops were repeated last night.  That means there were a whole lot of shoes that were one of a kind.  These aren't your ordinary OLD NAVY flip flops (which I happen to love) these shoes were gorgeous and designer.  Every single pair received OOOHHHs and AAAHHHHs and clapping.

Oh, the clapping.

It was a very affirming night.

Look at my pretty pair that my secret shopper bought me.  I heart them.  They are cute, neutral and so comfortable.  All the things I love. 

For me, last night represented more than just a fun gift exchange.  It represented that the FOG has lifted.  Last year was such a killer year for me that I just dropped my flip flops off the day of the party and didn't even bother to show up.  I just couldn't do it. 

I couldn't pretend to be ON and FUN and HAPPY, oh my.

I stayed in hiding for the better part of last year.  I didn't even have a birthday party.  It was a dark time.

But the LIGHT is on now.  The fog has lifted.  I am different because of the fog, more mature.  The me before would have been all over that room last night and I would have been secretly miserable.  Last night, I sat in the same chair and had a great conversation with three ladies.  A deep and meaningful conversation in the midst of a HUGE social event. 

The old me would have never sat in one place. 

I kind of like the new me.

In the middle of all the noise and celebrating one woman shared a private piece of her heart with me. 

Intimate.

Honest. 

Real life. 

Not fluffy.

So, while I am happy about my new cutie shoes, I am even happier that I have come out from under the suffocating darkness.

Life is real and complicated and hard and messy.  But last night reminded me that it's also good.

Very, very good.

So, off you go to plan your own FLIP FLOP EXCHANGE and get ready to celebrate your feet and your friends.

It's flippin' awesome.

My leg is the third one from the left.    

Really??

No.

But you are so sweet to look.

His favorite gift.

With ten comes great responsibility.

I am not going to lie people.  This is TOUGHER THAN TOUGH.  He has a very strong lid reflex that fights against keeping it open and touching the eye.  That will die away in time.  Each day will get better.  His confidence will grow and the time will shorten.

But he is so proud. 

Me?

I want to shove him back in the womb and pretend ten years haven't gone by in the blink of an eye.

*sigh*

10 for TEN.

My first born turns ten today. I thought it would do my heart good to look back over the last ten years and highlight 10 pictures.

I love this boy so much. He has changed my life and my heart in so many ways. I can't imagine life without him.

To my sweet Zeb.


I pray over you all the days of my life.


I love you forever.


I like you for always.


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And one to grow on...