What didn't kill me made me stronger.

Remember when I told you that someone famous wants me dead? 

How do I know she wants to kill me? She says crazy things like...

"I want you to feel like you are going to die."

I'm no expert, but that sounds like a death threat to me.

Well, guess what? She didn't kill me. The thirty days of exercise didn't send me to my grave, although there were definite times I thought it would.

I made it out alive.

And I have plenty to say about it.

Go refill your water and grab an apple. Get comfy and I will share my

30 THOUGHTS FOR THIRTY DAYS.

Hey!  I see you.  PUT THE COOKIE DOWN.  I said  APPLE, not cookie.

OK.  That's better.

Here we go.

1.  I went into this challenge knowing that I was going to fail.  How's that for starters?  I have read about The 30 Day Shred and have talked with people going through it.  They all said the same thing.  It's tough.  It hurts.  I just want to quit.  So I didn't have high expectations.

2.  For the first two days I used two cans of green beans as my weights.  I knew we owned some hand weights but for the life of me I couldn't find them.

3.  Any day that has a 3 in it...3, 13, 23, 30...were the hardest.  By far.

4.  If you are familiar with The Shred you have seen Natalie cheat.  She is the girl that does the more advanced routine. She's a cheater.  I don't like her.

5.  This is the day my kids found out.  They (meaning Zeb) laughed at me for the whole thirty minutes.  Sticks and stones, my son.  Sticks and stones.

6.  Jillian says it's a twenty minute workout.  It's 27 minutes and 45 seconds to be exact.  I feel the need to tell her that it's really 2 minutes and 15 seconds shy of a HALF FREAKIN HOUR.

7.  If I didn't love the TV like I do, I would have thrown my cans of green beans through the screen in hopes of hurting Jill-Jill and her hateful sidekicks.

8.  Accountability is HUGE for me.  Without it, I would have failed by now.

9.  I have started sleeping in my workout clothes, everything but the socks and shoes.  Ready for the morning.

10.  Day 10 moved up to level 2.  Can't believe I have made it to day 10.  The routine in level 2 is crazy hard.

11.  The only breakfast I have had for the last 11 days has been Tylenol.  Surely that has to mean that I am losing weight.  Right?

12.  I just want people to stop asking me when my baby is due.  When did that question come off the NEVER ASK A WOMAN list?  People are rude.

13.  I laid on the floor and cried.  My baby boy brought me his "soggy"...aka, blanket.  I couldn't love him more.

14.  The hardest day to fit in the workout is Sunday.  Getting everyone clean and fed and out the door for church is an Olympic sport.  Now to squeeze in 27 minutes and 45 seconds of additional work.  Next to impossible.

15.  PAIN!!!!!  My knees are not feeling good.   So many squats and lunges.  I feel old and tired.

16.  Learning about grace and how important it is to give myself some. 

17.  Took a peek at Level 3.  OH MY WORD.  What the heck?

18.  Day 18, my son's birthday.  I did workout only because I knew that I would be eating a ton of food and cake.  I backed it down to level one because of my knees.  Don't let the term "level 1" fool you.  It's no joke.

19.  Ready to dive into level 3.  I actually loved some of the intense circuits.  This will end up being my favorite level.

20.  I have tried all kinds of different exercise.  If I had to choose something to do all the time it would be swimming.  But I don't have swimming hair.  I am falling in love with the concept of a DVD workout.  I have about 30 minutes in the morning after the kids go to school and it's starting to be the best time of day.  No one needs me.  I can focus on myself.

21.  I love the circuit method.  3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes cardio and 1 minute abs.  I am ADHD when it comes to exercise.  I like the pace and variety.

22.  I see a huge change in my endurance just like Jill-Jill promised.  At the beginning I had to take so many breaks and follow Anita, the gal who does the lower impact workout.  I am feeling stronger and don't have to take as many breaks.  I can do most of the advanced workout with little modification.  That, my friends, is victory!

23.  I had a pity party on this day because no one has noticed anything yet.  That sounds horrible to admit.  Vanity and pride.  I am having to fight those feelings and remember why I started this journey.  To get fit and healthy.  Not for approval.

24.  OW.  OW.  OW.  Are the words I say when I sit down and when I get up.  Everything hurts.

25.  I think in her own twisted way, Jillian really does care about me.  She says I am strong.  She says I can do it.  She wants me to FIGHT FOR IT. 

26.  My biggest joy was when my oldest (see # 5...he doesn't laugh anymore) worked out with me and helped push me to try the ROCKSTAR JUMPS.  I have struggled with this move and he helped me through it.  Afterward, he brought me a bottle of water and a towel.  Love.

27.  Jillian is a liar.  She said we should be seeing a SIX PACK right about now.  I think the only people that see a six pack are the ones that started with a four pack. Personally, I have a two pack and a giant keg.

28.  Food is starting to be an issue right about now.  I tried eating something that I ate just one month ago.  It was horrible and heavy.  My tastes are starting to change.  My desire for food is lessening.  Praise Jesus!

29.  I ordered the next DVD from Jill-Jill.  Ripped in 30.  I also ordered Yoga Meltdown.  I am hoping to rotate between all three.  I think it's safe to say this is a longer journey for me than just 30 days.  I have learned to love doing this for myself.  I also love my accountability group (you know who you are).  I look forward to our next chapter in this journey.

30.  WOOT!!  WOOT!!  I have noticed changes in my body.  My waist doesn't feel as thick when I put my hands on it.  I can finally take my wedding ring off again (I don't like sleeping with it on or wearing it in the shower).  My face doesn't seem as full.  My legs feel stronger.  I don't know if I have lost much weight, but I feel firmer.  I have to remember that this is a LIFE LONG journey, not a sprint. 

In summary...

I highly recommend this workout for anyone.  Having said that...You WILL hurt.  You WILL feel like you want to die.  You WILL want to throw something at the TV.  You WILL grunt, scream and maybe curse.

But stick with it. 

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are worth it.

Fight for yourself.


I WILL be cheering for you!

Somebody famous wants to kill me.

I went to college weighing 107 pounds.

I had just lost about 30 pounds and I was desperate to protect it.  I would weigh myself constantly.  Every time I ate, I would weigh.  Every morning noon and night, I would weigh.  As I watched the scale inch upwards, I would get depressed and very critical.

I was on the verge of having a huge problem. 

What I didn't realize (in my immaturity) is that my body couldn't support the 107# weight.  Frankly, I'm not sure if there is any adult woman that can support that little weight.  I know enough about my body to know that I will NEVER BE there again.

The best thing that ever happened to me was the day Skip threw my scale away.  I think he was getting worried about the unhealthy behaviors on my part.  It was literally the defining moment for me in terms of my weight.  Instantly, I felt completely freed from obsessing over every little calorie and every little pound.

My weight crept up into a more normal ratio for my height and structure.  I settled into a comfortable size.  I was confident about my body again.

Fast forward to today. 

I have had three babies and I am in my late thirties.

*groan*

My body is different.  My ability to eat without being intentional is different.  My metabolism has changed.  I have half-heartedly tried exercise in the past and quickly puttered out.  I have been so resistant to change.  Disobedient, even.

About three weeks ago I was sharing with my blog friend, Kristen, my desire to lose some weight before summer.  I had my doubts that I would be successful because the effort involved always stopped me.

I am lazy.  Period.  End of story.

Anyway, she came up the idea to tackle the 30 DAY SHRED together to get ready for our separate 20 year reunions and swimsuit season.  I prompted emailed her all the ways in which I am a lousy accountability partner and that I would have us both quitting before day 4.

Either she didn't hear me, or she just doesn't take no for an answer.  She said we should go for it starting April 1st.  Before I knew it, two more blog friends, Denise and Sara, joined in on the "fun" and we started shredding.  What I was dreading has become the best part of my day.  We check in with each other daily for support, encouragement and feedback.  These girls have pushed me farther than I ever dreamed.

I just finished DAY 11 of the 30 Day Shred. 

I know!

If it wasn't for these girls supporting me and cheering for me, I would have thrown the TV out the window along with Jillian and her hateful minions.  Except that I can no longer feel my arms and the thought of picking up something that weighs more than 2 pounds makes me want to throw up.

Other than that. 

It's time for me to make some changes.  I have been living too long without a thought for a healthy body.  This was the kick in the pants that I needed.

Even though I feel like JILLIAN IS GOING TO KILL ME EVERY SINGLE MORNING. 

Bring it.

Thank you, Kristen, Denise and Sara!  You girls are the wind beneath my flabby wings!!

"Downward Facing Dog"

I am off to exercise class...more specifically Yoga. Have all my essentials, yoga mat, hand sanitizer, lip gloss, and sweatshirt to tie around my waist disguising the body part that needs yoga-izing. Oh drats, running late. That means one thing...I will have to be up front by the mirror. NO hiding for me.

Open the door way too fast...disturbing the peace and calm for the other yoga-centered minds already starting to warm up. Try to unroll my mat without causing a scene. Off with the shoes, socks and sweatshirt (which I immediately regret.) Realize that I have a wedgie and all eyes are on me. Not a good way to reach down and disengage. It will have to wait.

Janice tells us to breathe into the "Mountain Pose." What?

One quick look in the mirror and I feel confident. This one is basically standing..no problem. I got this yoga thing down. But that confidence quickly dissolves into utter confusion.

"Inhale your right leg down your mat, exhale your left leg." Wait...was that exhale first, then inhale? Which is first, right or left? Finally find the "Downward Facing Dog" and my confidence returns. I can do this. I am breathing, I am slow and controlled, I am doing the absolute wrong thing. I am not sure that was yoga. More like Elaine Dance meets Jane Fonda (quite good at Elaine Dance, by the way. Sort of a claim-to-fame!)

Oh, snap. She is looking my way. Try to stay "calm"...try to look like I am "modifying for your comfort"...try to look "centered and balanced"...remember to breathe!

Moving on to the seriously insane and equally impossible pose called "The Crow." You start by squatting really low, which is not helping the aforementioned wedgie situation. Then you balance your entire body on your elbows supported by your wrists. I don't know...Google it. That is all I can tell you about that, except that I almost needed stitches.

"Excellent, Janelle." What did I do? Try desperately to remember in case she looks my way again. I am glad I did that...whatever it was.

"Breathe through your eyelids." Where do they get this stuff? Being motivated by praise, I really wanted to get this right...so I closed my lids thinking I could breathe through them better if they were closed. Wrong-O. I fell. Once again, I disrupted the peace and serenity around me. Got a half-look from pajama girl. Didn't know I could exercise in jammy pants--I may try that next time.

Finally, we are to the part that I excel at. Relaxing. "Clear your mind of everything, and let go." Done.

Bottom line: I am not flexible, I am not strong, I have zero idea how to breathe through body parts, I have very little balance...but I had fun. I did my best. Thank you, Janice and all like-minded yoga people (even you, jammy girl). I will be back. Next time, I won't be late. Walk out the door with my sweatshirt securely fastened around my waist.