The day we met Karman.

A few months ago we started making some changes for our family.  Our calendar was jam-packed and no one was happy.  We met ourselves coming and going most of the time.  Rarely did we eat dinner at the same time and I hardly saw Skip.  Our kids complained.  They both said they wanted more time at home.

Easier said than done.  Right?

We sat down with both the kids and made a list of their activities and asked which ones they could let go of.  Zeb made a couple of cuts that were pretty painless on his end.  He wrestled with the decision for a couple of days.  After he made up his mind, he never looked back.  It has been a real positive change for him.  He requires more time to just BE.  Going from one activity to another was so stressful on him.  We started to see a huge improvement in his behavior. 

*sigh of relief*

Langley's activity cut was a little harder.  Mostly for me.  The activity that she chose to stop was gymnastics.  She has been in gym since she was 18 months old and she made it to level 2 on the team.  We have invested lots of time, energy and money into this sport.  The level 2 girls practice two nights a week for a total of four hours.  Each level adds more hours and more nights.  For the better part of a year she has been asking for a break.  I am not proud of it, but I refused.  To be completely honestly, I let fear creep in my heart.

What if she takes a break and never goes back and then she won't be a great athlete or cheerleader?
What if she comes back and has lost so much?
What if she can't get back on the team?
What if she becomes an adult that regrets quitting gymnastics like I do?
What if...?  What if...?  What if...?

Fear and doubt and mommy guilt held me back from letting her take a break.  Shame on me.

I realized it was my issue of insecurity and not anything to do with gymnastics.  Once I got a little perspective we sat down with her and weighed the pros and cons about taking a break.  We agreed to take December off and then assess.

Well, December turned into January.  January turned into February.  February turned into March.  The child has not missed it.  Time to let go. 

{Please do not hear me wrong.  I am not against these activities, or any others.  I just know my kids and I know they had too much on their plates.  Behavior was in the toilet, theirs and mine.  We just needed to step away for a little bit and catch our breath as a family.  Sometimes, too much of a good thing is still too much.}

In the meantime, we have been asking Langley if there is anything else she would like to pursue now that her school nights are more free.  In the future I can see her wanting to try karate or an instrument, or tennis.  But the one thing she expressed an immediate interest in was horses.  Every book this child checks out of the library is about horses.  Most of the pictures she draws have a horse in them {and a rainbow...love her}.  She asked if she could learn to ride a horse. 

Okey Dokey. 

Thankfully, we have a dear friend at church that has a sweet mare in a boarding stable north of town.  She has such a passion for horses and encouraged us to come and ride her Karman.  Karman is as gentle of an animal as you will ever find.  She is 22 years old and incredibly patient and obedient.



She is beautiful and gentle.  Everything you want in a horse!



We finally found a great sunny day for our outing with Karman.  It was absolutely perfect.  I am not sure God could have made a better day.  Everything from the weather, to the horse, to the behavior, to the sunset was amazing.  This was the happiest I have seen my kids in a very long time. 

I am so thankful that Zeb was able to come with us.  I didn't think he would get as excited as he did.  He was the first one to jump in the saddle.

See how docile Karman is?  She didn't flinch when Wit started grabbing at her face.  What a beautiful moment!

Langley.  A little nervous, but she soon got comfortable.  I just love that she already knows how to hold the reins.

Zeb was so comfortable in the saddle.  He is a natural.  Our friend recognized that and let him get to a trot.  Awesome!

A little girl's dream day!  I just love Karman's colorful blanket.  Makes me think that this horse was made for my rainbow girl.

One happy boy after a good trot.  I love that toothless (still) smile!  He wants to go back on spring break!  I don't think Jamie will be able to get rid of us!

I am glad that we have time now in our schedule to pursue a different activity.  I don't know if horses will be something that Langley wants to follow, but at least we have some breathing room to let her figure it out.

Slowing down to breathe is a lesson that I hope my kids will learn.  Life moves too fast.   It's good to have times of stillness.  It's been necessary for our family.

I am sure we will fill that space up again with things.  And that's OK.  But for now I am enjoying being home more and having days free to go ride horses, play with neighborhood friends, or whatever comes to mind.

Thank you, Jamie and Karman.  We had the best day!

Loss of Innocence

Yesterday, Z lost some of his innocence. It breaks my heart to even go here. We try to protect our kids from "The Others" as I like to call people who don't raise their children with the same values and morals. But, it happens...they hear things, they see things. Thankfully, I was there. Thankfully, I heard it, too.

Yesterday was Field Day. Standing out in the hot sun, the kids got restless. A little girl standing by Z and 3 other boys started to talk. Not only did she talk, she showed them a hand gesture...THE hand gesture, the one that only uses one finger. Get where I am going with this?

Enter protective mommy on stage right.

First thing that alerted me to anything amiss, was the look on the boy's faces. It was a mixture of doubt, surprise, and dare I say it...joy. Something was going down. The next thing I notice was the middle finger on each boy's hand. Every single one of them had it in an unnatural position. Some had it up, some trying to stick it up, Z had it folded over his other fingers with the knuckle raised.

I had pretty well caught on to the conversation and moved closer to the girl. Z looked at me and showed me the gesture. He asked if it was a bad word.

If he only knew.

I calmly explained that it was an inappropriate gesture and the words associated with it were ugly words. I told Z we never use that gesture or those words because they mean bad things. I also told him that daddy and I would talk him later. Knowing that I was in over my head, I recruited help from Mrs. R. She handled it like the pro that she is. We walked away together, but Skip was still by the group. He came to us and said that this little girl was continuing her story and now added the word, "Mother". I think you know the rest.

So, here is our dilemma.

We did not discuss it further with Z last night, partly because we were at a loss and partly because he didn't bring it up. At some point, I feel we need to address it. Do we just get it out there and tell him what he is likely to hear and explain what it all means? Does that take the mystery and secrecy away? Do we address it only if he asks? What to do, what to do.

Obviously, I am praying that God will remove this from his memory. I am praying that God will restore what was taken from him yesterday. I am praying that God will give Skip and I the wisdom to handle this correctly. Other than that, any advice would be appreciated.