Complaint Department.

"Dearest" Tooth Fairy,

I am writing (again) to complain about your lack of customer service. In the past, we have had our issues with your repeated tardiness and your lack of correct fundage. I have strived to move past some of our previous issues to foster a healthy relationship for our child. But this time, young lady, you have gone too far. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive you of this latest hoax.

She is just a baby! What were you thinking?

I am barely able to tolerate your liberties with Z-man. You come and you take leaving only minor compensation for our loss. I am afraid if this continues we may have to sever ties completely with your fairyness.

Please consider this your final warning.

I guess all could be forgiven if you see to it that they both lose their two front teeth before Christmas. If I could attain a cute Christmas picture, I might be able to put our rocky history behind me, once and for all.

Sincerely,

Mom Whose Kids Are Growing Up Way Too Fast

P.S. At least she's cute!

The Reluctant Fairy

Humans are not made to accept fairy responsibilities. Humans are forgetful, fairies should never forget. Fairies are perfect, and let's face it, we mortal humans are not. I think you see where I am going with this. We had a close call between humanism and fairyism.

Without any pomp and circumstance or pictures to prove it, Z lost a tooth last night. His first tooth was the highly coveted photographic milestone. We took over 50 pictures of the journey to tooth freedom. His second, we took about 20.

His third. Zero. Na da. Zip. In fact, he pulled it himself. Then Lou dropped it. Thankfully, we found it under the chair cushion. Already this tooth was doomed for failure and forgetfulness. We did the obligatory under the pillow thing and pretended excitement. But...out of sight, out of mind. It was quickly forgotten.

Before having kids (or fairy responsibilities) we used to make fun of our brother-in-law who was caught making change over a "sleeping" daughter. She peeped her eyes open to see her daddy counting coins to put under her pillow. Now we all know that we are much better parents BEFORE we actually have kids. I swore to never be that lame. I swore to uphold my fairy responsibilities with the utmost respect and awe.

So, back to this morning. Skip woke up with a start at 7:17 this morning. "Did you remember to put a dollar under Z's pillow?" Oh no! Now we are both up frantically looking for a dollar. None to be found.

Lots of panic and gnashing teeth ensued while we looked for 4 quarters. Surely, we have 4 quarters lying around. Time is not on our side right now...he could already be awake in his bed. He could already be disappointed. He could already be sad...

Aha! We now have the right amount and Skip with his "cat-like reflexes" hurries to Z's room. With all grace and skill, he slides his hand under the pillow and swiftly trades the tooth for the quarters. (I have the Chariots of Fire theme song playing in my head...also picturing Skip running in slow motion towards Z's room).

We were just in time. He was still sleeping, but woke up to see us both smiling over him. We told him we just wanted to see THE VERY MINUTE he woke up and found his treasure from the Tooth Fairy. His little hand revealed 4 shiny quarters. I think we pulled it off.

This time.

In addendum, we have come clean with Z about the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. He heard the playground talk about these fairies not being real. We have told him the truth, but also threatened him with the loss of these goodies if he spoils it for your kids. So far he hasn't asked about Santa and we haven't brought it up.