one thousand gifts...a dare

I am currently in a book that is literally MESSING WITH ME. Twisting me inside and out.  Turning my whole relationship with God on it's head.  In a good way.  A better way.

I am realizing that I have kept God at arm's length pretty much my entire life.  I know He is "there" wherever that really is. But do I really KNOW Him?  Do I FEEL Him?  Daily?  Anytime?  Ever?

Do I hear Him whisper to me? 

Do I sense He is near?

There are times that I can say YES!! 

But more often, I can't.  Sadly, that tends to perpetuate the arm's length relationship that has existed for many years.  It's my fault.  I haven't been intentional AT ALL with our relationship for some time.  I haven't put in the time or the effort into getting the most out of our friendship. 

And I was the one to suffer.  Suffer through some pretty dark places in my heart.  Wander through my own personal desert.  {Anyone relate?}  I felt the urgency to change the situation.  A phone call from a friend regarding a new Bible study WITH CHILDCARE {amen?} was the invitation I needed.  Through the study, my friend and I made a pretty huge decision to start waking up at 5:00am to workout and have quiet time.  We committed to a two week trial period and currently we are on week seven.  PRAISE!

Throughout this time, I started reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts.  A dare to LIVE FULLY right where you are are. 

This book?

MIND BLOWING.

Thankfulness is interwoven in her achingly beautiful story.  How she connected giving thanks, to JOY and GRACE has left me breathless.  Here are some of her words.

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is possible.  JOY IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE.  Whenever, meaning now:  wherever, meaning here..  The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience.  The joy wonder could be here!  Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be--unbelievable--possible!  The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now.

I whisper it out loud, let the tongue feel these sounds, the ear hear their truth.

Charis.  Grace

Eucharisteo.  Thanksgiving

Chara.  Joy

A threefold cord that might hold life?  Offer a way up into the fullest life?

Grace, thanksgiving, joy.  Eucharisteo."

I am still making my way through this book.  It's not one to rush, it's one to savor and ponder.  It's one that challenges you to find God around you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.  Look for Him.  Thank Him.  Experience Him.  Adore Him.

I reached #300 on my list of 1000 gifts this morning and thought I would share some of them with you.  It's already changed me.  I have seen God in places that I would have walked right by before.  He is there.  All there.

1.  A dark, quiet 5:00am house.

8.  Painting Langley's toes, making her feel special

15.  Texts from Skip...anytime.  He loves me.

19.  Knowing what is for dinner {amen??}

28.  First hugs of the day.

33.  My mom and her willingness to help.

41.  To-Do list that gets DONE

45.  Loving teachers.

46.  Opening the dryer to find towels, NOT WHITES!!  {seriously}

48.  Active grandparents that want relationships with my kids!  Both sides!!!

52.  I can argue with God and He is totally OK with that.

78.  Homemade tortillas {Alana, are you reading that??  Ha!}

111.  Zeb's baseball coach  {He's HOT}

119.  Easter Sunday

135.  My Grannie's strength and beauty

150.  Clean bathrooms along a running trail.  {Carissa!!}

200.  Zeb turns 11!!! 

212.  Zeb pitching a winning game!! 

243.  Day of rest for our family!  Rare and needed

249.  Date night with Langley at Panera. 

256.  Wit learning to fish.

281.  Friends that tell the truth....even when you don't want to hear it.

283.  Much needed time snuggling with Skip and the TIVO.

294.  My brother coming to play with the kids and eat dinner.

299.  The assurance that GOD is control, not me.

300.  FINDING WIT'S BLANKET, aka "soggy".  {holla!!}

God is in all those things.  I know He is.

He cares about me.

He cares about you.

I'm thankful.

 

I'm takin' this with me if we move.

Well, I am doing what I said I would yesterday.  I have chained myself to the house and I am taking it back. It is going so SLLLOOOOWWWLLLLYYY. I have been in the laundry room most of the day and I wanted to show you my very favorite thing in this house.

I have a friend who is a muralist. When I was pregnant with Langley, I hired her to paint this growth chart in the laundry room.  This ain't your ordinary growth chart. It's a work of art and my absolute favorite thing.

Forgive the terrible pictures.  There seems to be a horrible glare from the dryer and I didn't have much room to work with.  All around the room were huge piles of laundry and junk.  I refuse to show you that. 

Which is funny because I have pretty much bared my soul here on this blog.  But I feel a need to keep the mess in my laundry room a deep dark secret.

Mess in my life open for sharing?  Yes.

Disorganized chaos in the laundry room?  No.

I have to draw the line somewhere, people.

Anyway, back to the growth chart.  Every birthday, and happy-half birthday, my kids get measured.  They look forward to it as much as I do on their special days.  I treasure the way their not-so-tiny bodies (*sigh*) stand against the wall stick straight and how they delight in how much they have grown in six months.

The verse above the growth chart says...

"The child continued to grow and become strong increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him."  Luke 2:40

Rest assured, IF we ever move this wall is coming with me.

 
And if it can't, then we won't ever be able to move.

So there you have it. 

I've got good news and bad news.

Which do you want first? The good news or the bad news?

Personally, I prefer the bad news first. I like to know that there is hope in any situation so I save the good for last. So here is the bad news. I am sick again. YUCK!!

Yesterday and today have been awful for me. Just like before...nausea, horrible taste in my mouth and some rushing to the restroom. I am feeling so discouraged by this. I want to cry, but I think I am too tired for that. I really hope this wave doesn't last long.

The good news is that my friends don't let me suffer alone. This friend begged to take Lou off my hands. At first I said no. I don't know why I do that. Probably because I don't want to inconvenience anybody. But she persisted. She is like that and I love that about her. Not only did she take Loulabelle, but she also picked Z up from school.

What a tremendous gift that was. After 4 hours of sleep, I feel somewhat better. Good enough to retrieve my children and pretend that I am a good mom.

Oh, and some more good news. There might be a slight chance that I have felt the baby's movements. It always takes a few days to register the fluttering sensation, but I think it is there. That puts a HUGE smile on my face!

What have I learned today? If you are in a position to bless or help someone. Just DO IT. Don't take NO for an answer. Thank you, Alana, for not taking me seriously! It made such a difference today!

SURPRISE!!

Scattered Joy

This was a disaster of a weekend. Tempers flaired, selfishness reared it's ugly head, words spoken out of anger. And this was just Skip and I. The kids fell in the middle of all these categories.

I won't bore you with any of the ugly details. But, trust me. It was UGLY.

I will choose to focus on some of the scattered joy. Believe me when I tell you that it was scattered. But I am thankful for it. Otherwise, I would have to find a hole and cry for days.

--the twinkle of Cwismas lights in my daughter's eyes.
--snuggling with her in bed while we listened to Christmas music.
--a surprise kiss from Z.
--an impromtu back rub from Skip...gift of mercy.
--Chicken Noodle soup.
--listening to the testimony of an 80 year old couple about a life lived for the Lord.
--Polar Express
--two trees down, two to go.
--a much needed nap.
--two siblings snuggled together reading, acting like the friends I hope they become.
--groceries that I didn't have to shop for.
--Pajama Day Monday!

Have a wonderful week. I hope you have Scattered Joy all the days of this holiday season.

I need to play a little KETCHUP.

I feel the need to post something. Anything.

I am sure the only way to play Ketchup is by formulating a list. Since the creative side of my brain isn't firing this may be as good as it gets. I know, so inspiring.

1. Friday was my birthday, my 35th birthday to be more exact. Something about a 0 or a 5 at the end of any age just wears me out. My day was gloriously spent cooking, cleaning, shopping for groceries, volunteering, wiping noses, packing for a weekend trip. Basically it was JUST ANOTHER DAY. I did wake up to several birthday emails and wishes. That was fun. Also, my mom brought Panera to my house so we could sit and talk for a while in between all the other chores previously mentioned.

This birthday really had me thinking about my life. Am I where I want to be? Do I feel accomplished? I came up with only one answer. ABSOLUTELY. This is exactly where I have always dreamed of being. I am married to my best friend. We have the privilege of raising the kids that God designed for us. We are surrounded by family...all of our family. I have the most incredible friends anyone could ask for. I am blessed beyond measure. I can't think of one thing to add. I am rich.

2. The major low-light of my BIG DAY was forgetting my son at school for the first time. Right after my mom left, I was elbow deep in dishes and kitchen cleaning. At 2:00, the phone rang. It was the secretary at my nephew's school saying that he was in the office. I assumed she was going to tell me that he was sick and needed someone to pick him up. She informed me that school let out at 1:30 and I needed to get there quickly.

What??!! SCHOOL LET OUT AT 1:30? ALL THE SCHOOLS? WHY???

Frantically, I load the car and head out towards the school. All the while trying to reach the Primary building where Z was. When I reached them to tell him I was on my way, they said he was crying and scared. My heart plummeted lower than I knew possible. I started sobbing. By the time I arrived at school I was doing the UGLY cry. Once I saw Z, we hugged and cried together. My heart had shattered into millions of pieces. How could I have forgotten early dismissal day? The redeeming factor of the whole ordeal was that we also picked up my nephew. Thankfully, he had such a good attitude about the whole thing that it diffused any further heartache. (And a HUGE shout out to Pam for saving me that day!)

3. Every Fall, Skip's family rents a cabin retreat for the weekend. A very long, relaxing weekend filled with food, games, movies, naps, fishing, bonfires, laughter. It was the perfect ending to a day filled with ups and downs. Twenty-two of us filled this 5 bedroom cabin sleeping wherever one could find space. It is the stuff memories are made of.

4. Another not-so-great thing happened on my BIG DAY. After my frantic drive to school my car started to leak. Not just a little leak, but a flood-the-garage-floor kind of leak. Since we were on our way to the cabin we didn't have time to do more than clean up. In truth, we forgot about the leak and the potential problems that might come from it. Monday, I get ready to drive to gymnastics and music class. The car is driving weird. The car started to smoke. The car is in the shop. The car will cost $1200 to fix.

5. OHHH! I won something! I entered several giveaways hosted by Rocks In My Dryer. I won something from a blogger that I "know". I am so excited! I choose The Dangererous Book for Boys. Thanks, Sarah!! You made my day! You all have to check out her blog. Prepare to be encouraged!

6. I read this list of ups and downs and know that I am blessed. I wouldn't change this life for anything. Although I could live without #2 ever happening again. I only need to experience that once!

Bump Ins

Don't you just love the accidental "bump ins" when you run into a friend. I ran into Pam at Target today...just happened to look up and see her car in the parking lot. Boy, it did my heart good! Even though it was just for a minute, it was great to see her. Thanks, Pam for answering the call!