Inside out and backwards.

There is a fun tradition on the eve of a big snow. Wearing your pj's inside out and backwards will ensure that school is canceled the next day. At least there is a 50% chance.  It's silly and fun and special. Waiting for snow days is thrilling. I love seeing my kids hopped up on the forecast and excited about snow days. The look on their faces the next morning is priceless.

Today is our 8th or 15th snow day of the year. Honestly, I have lost count. Between the snow days and 5 sick days, my internal calendar is inside out and backwards.

I have no idea if I am coming or going lately. What is normal? Don't get me wrong, our snow days have been memorable and I am glad to have my kids home.  The days have been full...

Lots of sledding.

Lots of eating.

Lots of gear.

Lots of playing.

Lots of fighting (lots)

Lots of laundry.

Lots of boredom.

Lots of crafts.

Lots of games.

Lots of cookies.

Lots of messes.

Lots of hot chocolate.

Lots of snuggles.

They look just like snow days are supposed to look like with young children.  They have been fun, lazy, maddening, and more.  They have literally zapped me.  All my energy is gone.  My house is a wreck.  My eating is a wreck.  My motivation is in the tank.

I am inside out and backwards.

One day last week I threw in the towel.  I was so angry at being trapped by the snow and trapped by all the work involved in having my darlings home 24/7.  I lost it.  Through my tears I admitted that this wasn't what I expected it be.  I was a nanny in college for a sweet family with two boys.  They were my practice family.  Playing with those boys was everything I thought parenting would be like.  It was easy and fun and HAPPY ALL THE TIME.  I used all my teacher tricks on them and they absorbed it like little sponges.  In my immaturity, I was convinced that I had this parenting thing down long before I was a parent.

Little did I know.  Being with those boys was my job...my 5 hour a day job.  When their mom got home, I left to do who knows what.  Sleep, rejuvenate, read, go to a movie, eat out.  Whatever.  The next day I was refreshed when I picked up those boys from school.  I didn't have the weight of raising them on my shoulders.  I had the privilege of having all the fun.

The things I didn't have with those boys was EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN THE FUN.  The kisses at bedtime.  The bath time snuggles.  The late-night bad dreams.  The morning breath hugs.  The schedule.  The discipline.  The sibling rivalry.  All the stuff that a mommy gets to handle.  The weight of the world.

{Have you ever started writing something and it takes a whole different direction than you intended?  Hello, long random post that wasn't supposed to be all that deep}

I think I realized that it's not  the snow days that have me turned around, it is the intensity of this stage of our lives.  The constant demands of raising young children is hard. 

Soooo very hard. 

I don't really have any answers to this.  I just know that this inside out and backward feeling is fleeting and there will be a day when all the intensity is gone.  And I will miss this.  At least that's what I hear anyway.

So, I better go embrace snow day #8 or 15 and chase around some kids with mixed-up pajamas.  I should probably start by letting them out of time-out.