Keep your bad manners to yourself, please.

I am sick. As in, can't breathe and my head is stuck under an eighteen-wheeler kind of sick. I am also REALLY pregnant, as in 36 days to go kind of pregnant. So with that in mind, I muster up some amazing faux-strength and head out to the grocery store.

My swollen feet carry me from aisle to aisle as I put who-knows-what into my cart. Finally, it's time to check out. The clerk was very kind to me as he emptied my cart and made small talk.

But the bagger lady. Hmmmmm. She could have used the good-ole "if you can't say anything nice" lecture from her mama!

Bagger: You are really pregnant.

Me: Yes. I know.

Bagger: (looking disapprovingly from my face to my stomach to my feet) How much longer?

Me: 5 weeks.

Bagger: Well, you look awful. Good luck!

Me:(this is what I said in my head) Oh, yeah! Do you want a piece of me, old bagger lady?

Me:(what I really said) Thank you.

All About My MOM...by Z-man

My mom's name is Janelle.

She is 35 years old.

My mom is 5 feet 90 inches tall, and she weighs 266 pounds. (I'd say that's pretty skinny considering my height!!)

Her hair is brown and her eyes are green.

Her favorite color is green and her favorite food is CAKE!!! (yes, sir!)

My mom likes to watch Amarincin Idol.

I love my mom very much because she is fun.

My mom is prettiest when she smiyise. (smiles!)

If I could buy my mom anything, I would buy her a flowr.

My favorite thing to do with my mom is play games.

My mom always says, NO!!!!!!! (He sure did use a lot of !!!!!!)

The thing I like best about my mom is she leds me wach TV. (Unless I tell him NO!!!!!!!!!)

The funniest thing my mom ever did was let my dog set on the char! (Hmmm. I guess I thought I was funnier than that.)

M...makes food
O..only mom I have
T...thoughtful
H...helpful
E....excited
R...reads to my sister and me

Happy Mother's Day!!! I hope you were surrounded by love today. My only wish is that my mom could have been in town so we could honor her. I love you, MOM. You are the best!! Thanks for loving me and teaching me how to do the hardest job on earth!

Yesterday

Yesterday, my baby boy looked like this.

Today, he looks like this.

Yesterday, I held him in my arms all day long. Today, I have to chase him down for a hug.

Yesterday, every experience he had was my doing. Today, he discovers new things on his own.

Yesterday, I couldn't imagine 7 minutes without him. Today, he spends 7 hours away from me.

Yesterday, our days were simple and uncluttered. Today, our days our busy, crazy and chaotic.

Yesterday, I read books to him. Today, he reads to me.

Yesterday, he wore size 1 in shoes. Today, he wears size 1 in shoes...12 inches separating them.

Yesterday, we celebrated every new tooth. Today, we celebrate him losing those same teeth.

Yesterday, he wore the clothes I picked for him. Today, it's all about sports shorts and T-shirts.

Yesterday, I bathed him every night with lavender soap. Today, he showers alone.

Yesterday, we played with balls for hours and hours. Today, I sit on the sidelines and cheer for him.

Yesterday, my heart flip-flopped at every grin. Today, we tell silly jokes and laugh together.

Yesterday, I lovingly washed and hung his baby clothes. Today, I am going through those same clothes getting ready for another boy.

Yesterday, I cried when I realized how fast he was growing. Today, I cried because I don't know where the last seven years have gone.

Yesterday, I thanked God for the privilege of raising him. Today, I thanked God for the privilege of raising him.

I know that every yesterday has shaped who he is today. It is still so hard to see time pass so quickly.

REALITY PARENTING

Admit it, girls. We all entered this motherhood thing smarter than EVERY OTHER MOTHER on the planet. We all had our mental lists of things we would NEVER do. We were determined to prove that we were the perfect ones with children who would NEVER do what the neighbor's children did.

For example, I was NEVER going to let my boy play with guns. Yeah, that lasted until Z was 2. He chewed his POP-TART in the shape of a gun and started to shoot anything and everything. Our home has never been the same.

Also, I was NEVER going to be the mom in the Wal-Marts with the loud obnoxious kids. Heaven forbid. That misconception didn't last very long into my mothering career. I have become the women at the local Wal-Marts that I brutally judged in my prekid days. The funny thing is, I see the same look on the premothers that I had on my face 7+ years ago. Except now they are looking at ME. I laugh at how much they have to learn about parenting.

I was NEVER going to allow my children to leave the table without trying all the perfectly planned and cooked food that I worked hard to prepare for them. I was also going to cook EVERY night. Yeah, right. I think we all know how that one turns out.

My children were NEVER going to drink soda, pick their noses, eat too much candy, have cavities, watch too much TV, sleep in my bed, whine, wear dirty clothes. Basically have imperfections of any kind.

I was a dreamer.

Time and time again, reality hits. And it hits hard. It hit me yesterday when I let Lou order a Diet Coke with her McNugget Happy Meal. A DIET COKE, people. She's 4 and NOT. ON. A. DIET.

Then today, I sent Z to school with a lunch box that I lovingly packed. The contents of the lovingly packed lunch box: Cinnamon and Brown Sugar POP-TART, Doritos and Oreos.

Pop Tarts. Doritos. Oreos.

**GASP**

The only thing I prayed for today was that he wouldn't eat his POP TART in the shape of a gun and start shooting. That would have been an awkward conversation with the principal. And I hope to NEVER have awkward conversations with the principal.

Time will tell...

I would love to hear your own "I NEVER" moments. Don't worry. There is no judgement here. This is a safe place to share!

Labor and Delivery

Labor and delivery according to a four year old. Apparently she thinks I am a balloon.

"Mommy, I know how our baby will come out."

"Oh, really! How?"

"You will get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and POP!!! Then the baby will be in our house."

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

8 weeks and counting....!!

Just checking things off my list, one item at a time!

Since my complete breakdown in the last post with my LIST. I have been making progress. Slowly, we are checking things off. Some are easier than others, but changes are being made.

One item on the list was to find a really cute diaper bag. Dawn and Shelley both told me about this bag on Earen's blog. I may be able to check that off the list! Whew!

All I have to do is win it. Then I have to send Earen an apology note and beg her to still be my friend.

If you want to see this super-cute bag for yourself, click here.

I can just feel the stress melting away one item at a time!

The Countdown List

Twenty eight weeks down, twelve to go.

The mad rush to finish projects has begun. I thought I would post my list just for accountability purposes. I am the #1 procrastinator. But if all of you will promise to nag me, then hopefully I will be more motivated.

As it stands now, I would rather sleep for the next 12 weeks and hope the baby likes the Pack-N-Play in the closet idea. I am beginning to be OK with that. People, I don't want to be OK with that. Please nag.

Daily and often.

Unless, of course, any of you can tell me how to access my inner genie so all I have to do is wiggle my nose and VOILA! It is doubtful that any of you are genies, so I guess I better make my list.

Today's list:
--cook dinner. We are having this. Yummy!
--figure out what I spent $200 on at the local grocery store. It just doesn't seem like I got that much.
--call my mom and ask if she's mad at me (check. She's not.)
--pull out Spring maternity clothes and pack away Winter
--find my toenail polish and attempt to polish sad, swollen toes
--form guest list for my shower!! Wanna come?
--finish this post before I become overwhelmed and SHUT DOWN occurs.

Before April 19th list:
--plan son's birthday party, send invites, call bakery
--light a fire under contractor's behind so the new bathroom gets finished. I have already cried on his shoulder, maybe tears just aren't effective anymore...
--clean up mess from construction
--decorate new sport's room and bathroom
--shop for bathroom stuff
--call mural painter for bathroom and baby's room (check. She is coming April 16th.)
--pass the Glucola test tomorrow
--birthday shop for Z
--clean and organize office equipment that we are pulling out of Z's new room
--find a place for said office equipment, probably the craft room.
--shed a few tears over loss of my craft space. Not that I have crafted anything in the last 2 years, but still it requires a period of mourning.
--buy a gift for the incredible girl who sewed baby's new bedding, any ideas?
--eat more fruits and vegetables and less Oreo's
--attend 5 family birthday parties
--participate in meetings planning our annual Walk for Life to benefit local pregnancy clinic
--try to survive these 2 weeks while keeping it all in perspective. These are my deadlines, not necessarily God's.

Before mid-June list:
--find a cool diaper bag
--check car seat expiration date
--weigh the pros and cons of using our double stroller (check. Shelley said so!)
--plan meals for freezer cooking. This was my best survival idea after Loulabelle was born. The freezer was packed with meals.
--actually cook those meals
--beg mom to help with landscaping crisis
--get carpet professionally cleaned
--give dog a bath, or two
--figure out how to keep son in brand-new bedroom
--get Z ready for camp, then actually send him...
--touch-up any paint in baby's room
--set up crib and decorate
--purge playroom
--stop buying Oreo's, for goodness sake.
--participate in Walk for Life
--buy a cute dress for my shower!
--sort through baby boy clothes and organize baby's closet
--smell the brand new Pampers (unused, I am not a sick-o)
--monogram something, anything
--try to finish Loulabelle's baby book. This may be a pipe dream.
--attend school field trip and music concert
--plan the kid's days/nights while I am in the hospital
--buy a king-sized bed. It's time.
--take maternity pictures with kids
--relax and enjoy the final days of being pregnant for the last time. It has gone by way too fast.

Nag on, my friends. You have my permission to be unbearable and bossy. Or, better yet, keep me company while I procrastinate.