Where Am I?

Where am I?

I feel lost...

Lost in the shuffle of the busy calendar, laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, dog training, diaper changing....

Just weathering this season of endurance. Some days are sunny and bright and some are gloomy.

I have so much to be thankful for. So much to rejoice about. But there isn't any time to feel those things, so it seems.

Life.

Remembering.

Today is a day of remembering for me. My dad passed away on this day in 1993. That seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened over the last 16 years that it makes my heart hurt because he missed it. His laughter and smile wasn't here.

He missed my engagement, my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of his 3 grandbabies. The most important times in my life. Oh, how I wish he could see my babies. He would be so over the top CRAZY in love with them.

The reality is that he passed away during my most turbulent days...well not THE MOST turbulent days, but close. If only he could see me now. I want him to know that all of his hard work and prayers for me turned out for the best. I can just imagine what our reunion will be like someday. Joy!

But for now, I am trying to teach my kids about him. We talk about Grandpa Mike and what he was like. We talk about my favorite memories and we eat the same barbecue chips that were his very favorite. Most importantly, I tell them how proud he would be of them and that he lives in Heaven so they will see him and know him one day.

I get to see his love shine through my brother. I am so honored that he comes and plays with my kids often. When he is here, I feel my dad with him. I see how daddy would have played with them and I hear how he would have teased them and laughed with them.

I am blessed to see the relationship my kids have with their other grandpa's. Thankfully, my kids haven't felt anything missing in their hearts. They have the priviledge of being surrounded by such a loving extended family and lots of awesome men. It's my heart that has the hole...my heart has never been the same.

Not long ago, I was killing time on my computer (shocking!) and found this essay that I wrote a week after my dad's death for my entrance application to TCU. I never dreamed it would be the reason that I was accepted...it certainly wasn't for my stellar grades or ACT scores. They wrote to tell me that they choose my application because of this essay. I guess its not the norm of what most college kids include in their application.

Precious Gifts

There it sits innocently on my bed. It is a teddy bear with its cub wrapped tightly in its arms. I have had that bear for many years and I never knew what it really stood for.

I was in the third grade when the sells representatives came to school to introduce us to the products which we were to sell for the next week. The products were tacky little knick-knacks that my classmates and I were to sell around the community. In return for selling these products, we received little prizes such as pencils, stuffed animals, plastic jewelry, hair combs, balls, and other little toys.

My reward was going to be a cute little teddy bear with a pink ribbon around its neck. I had to sell only fifteen things before the bear was mine. Selling from door to door would have been an easy task if my family lived in the heart of town, but we lived at least twenty miles out of B-Town on a large farm. I knew it would be hard for me, but I wanted to prove that I could do it anyway.

I was not having any luck with the neighboring farms and I was getting discouraged. I asked my dad to take the catalog and order form to work with him for a couple of days to see if he would have better luck. He smiled and said that he would do the best he could. However, when the week was up, he brought the form back to me having only sold two candlesticks. I was heart-broken because I knew I would not get that cute little teddy bear with the pink ribbon. My dad told me that he had been terribly busy, and just did not have a chance to show anyone the catalog. I knew he felt bad, but I was too childish to understand that it was not his responsibility.

Having to go to school the next day with only two products sold was very humiliating. All of my friends had their forms filled completely and were so proud because they would get the best toys. I tried to pretend that I didn't care, but deep down I was hurt because I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it, too.
At home that night, my dad came into my room with a huge wrapped box with a pretty ribbon on it. I suddenly felt so guilty for being mad at him because inside the box was a beautiful bear with its little cub wrapped tightly in its arms. My dad gave me a precious gift, one that I never really appreciated until twelve years later.

Now, one week after the death of the father that I have loved for twenty years, I realize that by giving me that bear he was telling me that his undying love and protective arms will always be wrapped around his little cub. That is a gift that I will hold in my heart forever.


I miss you, daddy. Every single day.

Ninth.

Seriously...I should NOT be doing this. I only have about 5 minutes and I am sure there are better uses of my time. But I had to do this!

Just in case you forgot how cute Wingman is...

He is doing all kinds of crazy fun things. For example... talking, yelling, eating, waving, shaking his head NO NO, pulling up and a version of crawling that I have never seen before. It includes getting on his belly and toes and smooshing his face this way and that. Throw in a couple of rolls and stretches and he goes where he wants to!!

Personally, I am still wrestling with saying goodbye to the pregnancy season of my life. I am bursting with JOY over my family and loving raising my kids, but saying goodbye to such a tender season is hard. Some days, like today, it is really hard.

*SIGH*

I am sure that every mommy knows what I am talking about.

But, enough about me.

Wingman is so much fun that I don't have a lot of time to dwell in my pitiful feelings. Life with a third child isn't boring. Ever.

Just last week we had Wingman's first trip to the ER. Loulabelle was on the couch with him and was trying to get him to lay down but didn't realize that his left arm (the one with the mom tattoo that I had the pleasure of explaining to the ER doc! OY! ) was behind him and pinned. His elbow became dislocated. Sounds more serious than it actually is. Lots of kids have this and will eventually outgrow it around five. However, he was really hurting and there wasn't anything I could do for him. I hate that feeling!

Dang!! My five minutes are up... gotta go!

Drumroll, please. ZIPLOCK OMELETS!!!

Here I am taking baby bloggy steps, one blog post at a time. I am so excited to hit PUBLISH again today, even if its only for a recipe that I can't take any credit for whatsoever. But hey, baby steps.

It's all about baby steps...

Ziplock Omelets

*Disclaimer* When I first received this recipe from who knows where, I thought it looked interesting but didn't really think I would ever make them. I have been very prideful of my omelet making skilz, even if it did take all day to get everyone fed. And I was always the last in line. One day I was going through my recipe binder and ran across this again. I wanted to find a fun activity for the kids to get them involved in the cooking process. I thought this would be the perfect solution! It was! I hope you enjoy them, too!

1. Have family members write their names on a quart sized Ziplock freezer bag with a permanent marker.

2. Crack 2 eggs (large or extra large) into the bag (no more than 2) and shake to combine them.

3. Put out a variety of ingredients such as: cheese, ham, onion, green pepper, black olives, hash browns, tomato, etc. Each person adds prepared ingredients of choice to their bag and shake.

4. Make sure to get the air out of the bag and zip it up.

5. Place the bags into rolling, boiling water for EXACTLY 13 minutes. You can usually cook 4-5 omelets in one large pot. For more, make another pot of boiling water. Make sure the water boils at all times and the individual bags have plenty of room to feel the water.

6. Open bags and the omelet will roll out easily. Be prepared for everyone to be amazed.

Nice to serve with fresh fruit and coffee cake. Everyone gets involved and makes a great conversation piece.

*Janelle's tips* Both times that I have made this recipe, I whisked the eggs and other ingredients in a bowl before placing in the zip lock. The kiddos still get to shake it, but I like knowing that it is all mixed well beforehand. Also, after opening the finished bags, I put the omelets in a preheated, buttered skillet to brown the outside. This just takes a minute, but you do not have to do this.

ENJOY the omelets and enjoy cooking with your kids!

Bloggy Cobwebs

There was a time, when this blog was first created, that I couldn't go a single day without a writing a post. It is amazing to me how far I have strayed from that. I definitely need to dust off these bloggy cobwebs that have settled.

I have finally gotten rid of the idea that my bloggy comeback has to be the most creative piece EVER WRITTEN. Now, I just want something...anything that will break my silence. The best I can do is a list. A list of thoughts, ideas and a whole lot of random.

Fasten your seat belts...this will be riveting, or at the very best...readable.

1. If I were a blog friend of mine, I would have dumped me a long time ago. I haven't been faithful to read or comment lately. I still care deeply about all of you and hope to do better.

2. Facebook is just so much easier these days. I love "talking" with some of you there.

3. I haven't blogged in such a long time, I forgot my kids' blog names.

4. This weekend we celebrated Valentine's Day. It was the perfect blend of friends, family and couple time. I loved every minute of it and don't want it to end.

5. I am seriously addicted to coffee and all things caffeine. I find myself thinking about what I will drink tomorrow morning and anxiously awaiting that time, that smell, that taste.

6. I have been scrapbooking with a good friend every Friday. I love that time and really cherish the work that I have been doing on Loulabelle's baby book. I am almost done with her book and will be able to start Wingman's. From there I want to do a birthday book and Christmas book for each kiddo. I love our weekly time and hope we can always plan for it.

7. I have been recently made aware that I close my eyes when I talk. Why is that? Am I nervous, or self-conscious? I don't know, but I want to find out.

8. I have yet to find moderation in computer usage.

9. Wingman has been in his crib for a week. I miss him so much. The only comfort I have is knowing that he is sleeping so much better and just waking up once.

10. I love my kids. With my whole heart.

11. There are so many good shows on our Tivo right now. I love TV about as much as coffee and Facebook. Moderation, smoderation.

12. I want another big snow storm before spring. I want my kids home with me.

13. This list is riveting, I know.

14. I have recently come to realize that more people like their toilet paper to hang over rather than under. Apparently it is a big deal to most people.

15. My favorite item of clothing is my gray, velour track suit. I could wear it everyday.

16. I am sure some of you are regretting asking me to update my blog (Heather!) This is really the best I can come up with.

17. I made Ziplock omelets this morning. I don't know if I will ever go back to using my omelet pan after this. I love this recipe! Very fun!

18. I wish I was more articulate. I am a verbal mess. The words in my heart and head come out all jumbled and messy from my mouth. I wish I could change that.

19. I wonder if anyone cares about all this! If you are still reading...thank you!

20. I am mourning the fact that Wingman is almost 8 months old. On one hand, I love what he is doing and what is to come. But my heart is sad at what he has already left behind. The last month has brought so many changes for him. Time is going way too fast.

21. I held Z-Man tonight as I put him to bed. I realized that he still has the little boy smell of graham crackers. He has always smelled like that. I love that little boy smell. It will be a sad, sad day when that changes.

22. I am really, seriously contemplating getting a perm to reform my natural curls.

23. Tatiana, from American Idol, has GOT TO GO!! Seriously.

24. I am not sure when to use 'than' and 'then'...'effect' and 'affect'. Need a refresher course in grammar. Pretty sure that I use way too many dots when I type ...

25. I am already sad at the thought of Loulabelle starting Kindergarten in August. She is my little best friend. I will miss her so much when I have to share her with the world.

26. Skip and I would be the couple on Amazing Race that everyone hates. I don't do well under pressure and it wouldn't be pretty.

27. I want a new vacuum.

28. I am going to pull the plug on this nonsense. I'm not sure if the cobwebs are gone, but it will feel good to hit the PUBLISH button after a month of silence.

Love to my blog friends!!

Photo Tag

Alana had a very fun meme on her blog. Since blogging has not come naturally lately, I decided to play along. That and the fact that my little two foot person won't let me go back to bed this morning. I have some time on my hands!

Here are the rules:

The object of the picture tag is to:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture

4) Tag 4 people to do the same. NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)

When I saw the fourth folder I was ecstatic! This picture is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES! And it has some of my all-time favorite people in it!

One of my dear friends, Dixie (lower right of the circle next to me), was being featured in the yearly MOPS magazine telling the story of her daughter's premature birth. This picture was featured in that magazine. The circle of friends that helped her in those dark and fearful days. This picture reminds me of the amazing things that can happen in a MOPS group!

As a rule breaker by nature, I had to include more pictures from that folder. This next picture is what happens when you tell Alana's husband that you want him to "modify" the way you look in the above picture. I admit that I was not happy with the double chin thing going on with me. I swear that it the the camera angle...it's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The chin looks better, but I don't completely love the color. I, then, went back and asked if he could make me a little less Shrek-ish and a little more tan-ish.

Wow! Too bad this isn't at all my natural color! I would think that I would like a tan someday. *sigh*

Hope you play along with this fun meme! Let me know if you do so I can pop in for a visit.

Mystery Solved.

1. Barbados - 1993 - 1994
2. Grand Cayman - 1994 - 1995
3. Costa Rica - 1995 - 1996
4. Kuaii, Hawaii - 1996 - 1997
5. Playa del Carmen, Mexico - 1997 - 1998
6. Habitat Curacao, Curacao - 1998 - 1999
-- Y2K -- (we didn't go anywhere this year for fear of end of the world!)
7. Kansas City, MO - 2000 - 2001
8. San Antonio, TX - 2001 - 2002
9. St. Croix - 2002 - 2003
10. New Orleans, LA - 2003 - 2004
11. Moon Palace, Cancun, Mexico - 2004 - 2005
12. Bahaia Principe, Tuluum, Mexico - 2005 - 2006
13. Point Village, Negril, Jamaica - 2006 – 2007
14. Road Trip (St. Augustine & Orlando, FL & Biloxi, MS) – 2007 – 2008

drum roll, please...

15. Villa del Palmar, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico – 2008 – 2009

I really can't describe how unforgettable this year's trip was. It was so fun to relax and play with the kids. No hassles, no laundry, no dishes, no sporting events, no schedule. I loved it.

So as not to bore you with my 421 pictures for the week, I will just include a few favorites. You are MORE than welcome to come over and peek at the rest, but I know that only my mom would want to do that. I will spare you! Trust me, my new camera is well-loved and well-used.