What if Christmas card photos told the truth?

The date is set every year. September 30th. The day I call the photographer and schedule our Christmas photos. In my opinion, the most stressful thing we do all year. Everyone needs haircuts and cute outfits. The location needs to be scouted...indoor? or out? Where? Concept? Plus everyone needs to be CLEAN on the same day.

Feel the stress? No? Maybe it's just me.

I haven't been able to let this go in the last 9 years of mothering. Could it be a *shudder* CONTROL issue? Quite possibly. The day of the appointment when the kids find out what they have to wear, Skip always gives them the same mantra.

"Your mother owns you on this day. You will wear what she says."

Niiice.

Thank goodness our photographer is a trusted friend. He knows my family. He knows that I (might) have control issues but he is kind enough to not say anything. He gets me. During our hour together he is confident to get the look that I have in my head. I trust him.

The funny thing about our photographer is that he shoots the entire time. THE ENTIRE TIME means that he gets the staging pictures. The shots no one is allowed to see. The shots that tell the real story of the Miller family.

Here is what the world sees about us. From the outside it all looks HAPPY AND WONDERFUL LIKE A FIELD OF FLUFFY KITTENS ROLLING IN COTTON CANDY. The kids look cute, I look good-ish, and Skip looks like he is having the time of his life. We could convince you that this was our reality, just by this one photo.


Here's the truth. That picture. That pose. Lasted about 1/8th of a second.

Probably.

I don't know. His shutter speed is really fast. Indulge me in saying that for 1/8th of a second, we are awesome.

For 1/8th of a second you don't see any trace of insecurity in me. You don't see that Skip really didn't want to be there. Sort of a bad month for him and he didn't want to play HAPPY AND FUN AND AWESOME for the Christmas card.

For 1/8th of a second you don't see uncooperative kids who would rather run and play in the dirt. You can't tell that I am constantly rearranging my scarf so it hides my belly and pulling up my jeans because they just don't "feel right." You don't hear me yelling at them to NOT GET DIRTY or IF YOU MESS UP YOUR HAIR...

For 1/8th of a second we appear to HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.

And I could leave you with that impression. I think that is where a lot of women find insecurity. They see a minute glimpse of someone else's life and they immediately see how their reality stacks up against that visual.

In my experience, EPIC FAIL.

As the shutter continues to click away I see the truth about my life.

I get angry.


People fail me.


People disengage.


And sometimes it makes me want to run away.


But, in this case, I want to come back...


because I would rather have all this than nothing at all.


As for FAMILY PICTURE DAY O' FUN 2011 (aka, the "day I own the kids") I take comfort in knowing that it's still 10 months away. Maybe during that time I can work out some of my *ALLEGED* control issues.

I know you are all going to tell me to RELAX. That is probably what I would say if I were you.

And I agree.

But, sometimes, I just want to hang on to the 1/8th second of pure awesome.