Life is on.

I can do this.

Breathe.

Can I tell you something deeply personal and you won't make fun of me? Promise?

I mean, I have already pretty much laid myself nekked here and here.

But this is different. This is a 100% BIGFATUGLY pride thing.

The story of how $5,000 changed my life, my outlook and my family.

For the last 15 years I have suffered from hearing loss. I would say that most people live with a slight to moderate loss and function just fine. Up until 2007, that was me. I could tell that I was missing some things, but really didn't impact me. It became a real problem the last couple of years. I was constantly hearing people wrong, or not at all. Life was getting confusing and very embarrassing.

Reading this post again made me laugh so loud!

Another classic example of my hearing embarrassment came during my last pregnancy. I was at the grocery store and the clerk asked me a question after she rang my total. Being ALL ABOUT ME most of the time, I smiled real big and said, "Why, yes! I AM pregnant!!"

Insert awkward pause.

Clerk looking at me with furrowed brow, "Will that be C-R-E-D-I-T or D-E-B-I-T???"

Riiiight.

We laughed so hard about that, but inside I knew it was time to get it "checked". Not fixed, mind you. Just checked. I really wasn't going to do anything about it. I mean, HEARING AIDS??? I might as well stop dying my hair.

My last test was in August 2009, I registered a SEVERE loss in both my ears. My left one worse than the right. In fact, when I lay on my right ear at night I can't hear a thing (which isn't all that bad, you know what I'm sayin). The doctor wanted to perform a CT scan just to see if there was any evidence causing the hearing loss, or to see if I was a candidate for reconstruction surgery.

The test came back negative on both counts showing severe nerve damage from past infections, etc. It seems like hearing aids are my only option.

Heap on heavy, heavy doses of paralyzing, ugly, hairy, sinful pride.

I WILL NOT EVER EVER NEVER WEAR HEARING AIDS. THEY WILL MAKE ME FEEL OLD AND PEOPLE WILL MAKE FUN OF ME. NOT GONNA DO IT. SO THERE.

Then a friend (dang her) asked me two questions.

1. If this was my child, would I hesitate to treat it? (no)

and, here is the kicker...

2. Would I be able to forgive myself if something happened to my kids and I couldn't hear them to save them.

UGH. UGH. UGH. Even still the pride was winning and I did nothing.

One Sunday we were sitting in church and I could not hear our pastor speak. It's a small church and HE WEARS A MICROPHONE FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I looked at Skip with tears in my eyes.

"It's time", I said.

Two weeks later, I had my fitting and placed my order for the smallest hearing aids on the market. Completely digital, completely hidden. One little clear wire runs from the top of my ear inside the canal. You would never know if I didn't tell you. My logic is that if you are close enough to see the clear wire, THEN YOU ARE WAY TOO CLOSE!

The moral of this story is my life changed in an instant. I don't feel old, I feel young. Well, young-ISH. It's a hearing aid, not a time machine!

My husband is happy not to hear, "huh?" all the time. My kids like not having to repeat EVERY SINGLE THING. My relationships are better. I don't worry about public outings anymore. I don't have to read lips and try to fill in with what I think someone just said. Conversations are not hard work anymore. It amazes me how many sounds I didn't know existed.

People. I have never heard AIR before. The sound of air. Downright miracle.

Funny story. When I got home from the audiologist the dishwasher was running but I didn't recognize the noise. Once I found the source I was flabbergasted. All this time I thought we had a "state-of-the-art-whisper-quiet" machine.

Um, yeah. We don't. We have a regular old loud one.

Dear friends, if you are struggling, get help. Don't let pride paralyze you.

Turn your life on.