You are cordially invited to attend
Janelle's Pity Party
Date: Past and Present with lots of worry for the future
Time: As long as it takes you to read this
Will serve: Bile sandwiches and Toxic Waste punch
Please RSVP, or don't. I don't care.
It has been a long, hard day of calculating my many failures. It has not been pretty, friends. I have failed and let me count the ways.
I have failed Our Father. I haven't invested ANY time lately reading, praying, thanking, confessing. Instead I fill my limited free time reading blogs and have been left hungry and not satisfied. In the same 10 minutes I could have been encouraged, disciplined, corrected, forgiven, etc. But still I choose the quick, easy. That is just one little way I have failed My God today. There are hundreds more.
I have failed Skip. In this season of welcoming and caring for a new baby, all the grunt work or slave labor has fallen to him. Anything I don't have time for or can't handle, he gets. And he gets it without much appreciation. He just serves. His needs and wants have been put so far on the back burner they aren't even on my radar right now. I can see the toll it's taking on him and us.
I have failed Z. I have been quick to anger, quick to yell, quick to jump to conclusions. I have held him to a higher standard than I have for myself. Why should I expect perfection from a 7 year old, when My Father doesn't expect perfection from me?
I have failed Loulabelle. My tongue was so sharp today when she was trying to help calm the baby. Her big blue eyes filled up with tears and they dropped down her sweet cheeks. I embarrassed her in front of her friends. Shame on me.
I have failed Wingman. He logged about 8 hours in the car seat today. We were on the go all day and he went along for the ride. I pushed his feedings too late and he had to cry longer than I felt comfortable with. He is too little to feel sad, or lonely, or discomfort. I hated that I had no time to hold him and whisper in his ear. My heart is heavy.
There are more failures. There always are. When you start walking down this road, your failures are everywhere like a billboard for the world to see. I have let so many people down....
"My grace is sufficient for you."
What? Who said that?
"My grace is sufficient for you."
Oh, it's You. Lord, I don't deserve this life you have given me. I am not worthy of your love and attention. But yet You chose me. You love me. You want me to climb out of this pit and rejoice. Thank you, Lord for loving a failure like me. I don't need to live with this condemnation because I belong to You. Help me find a way to learn from these failures.
Help.
19 comments:
You are such a kindred spirit. My heart aches with yours at all the failures I have too. Most importantly the failures with My Heavenly Father. Thank you for reminding me that His grace is sufficient. I wish I was close enough to hug you and really tell you that you're not alone!! I'm sending love from Florida!
Oh sweet Janelle...Yes, His Grace is sufficient for you..and you need to give yourself some grace. I so understand the feelings and things you feel like a failure in. It's a hard stage you're in right now. Every child I had I remember missing my husband & he was right here in the house with me. And I too am always working on my words with my children..I too am sometimes quick to snap at them. And even if it is a little verse each day, soak it in. Here's what I read in my devos this morning.."For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:9-10. Blessings to you. You're not a failure..you're doing great!
Janelle, you are in my heart today. I'm sending a big hug your way and I can work some two-bite brownies into the plan as well if you would like. I had my own pity party last week. You are a great child of God, wife, mom, and friend! I'm praying for you!
Janelle,
I think you were a little hard on yourself...
I think you are doing a great job trying to keep all the balls in the air (or at least keeping them from breaking too much when they do fall).
You are a fantastic wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and so much more!
I will always gladly come to any party you ever have...
Besides, as a father of three, I am longer allowed to have needs and wants. I just carry stuff and drive the car... :-)
I LOVE YOU!!!
Skip
Janelle,
Your post was amazing. I love your transparency! We all have these moments, but you share yours, which encourages me and in turn you will be encouraged. God is good! Our pastor has been doing a series called "How to Keep our Focus on the LORD in our Failures", so I was reading scripture after scripture just now, trying to find what I wanted to say to you. Wouldn't you know that I've come away all renewed myself?? :) Love that. Anyway, with zillions of verses to choose from, I came up with Ephesians 3:14-19 and check out John 21 - where Jesus redeems Peter's failure in disowning Him by having Peter proclaim his love again THREE times. It's a beautiful picture.
You are an amazing woman of God and I pray you are overwhelmed with love & encouragement today!
Okay, first of all, Skip made me cry.
Second, you have to give yourself some time! GIRL it has only been a month! A wise person once told me that God understands. He understands the hard times you are going through, He understands your lack of time for devotionals, He understands you heart, He knows your true heart. I think that wise person might have been YOU my friend! You are a FANTASTIC mom and wife and friend! I love those verses Earen shared, I think I need them too. Let's go pray those verses, take a deep breath, and remember that His Grace IS sufficient for us!
I just wanted to say that I know God wants us to spend time in prayer and in His Word, but He can use these blogs to bring encourgement and a challenge to the readers. I feel like I have been blessed by so many of the posts I've read including this one.
Oh sweet friend. I love you and I'm rooting for you. And I personally think you are a wonderful follower of Christ, Wife, Mommy, and friend. You rock. You really do and I know this is a tough time for you, but you can do this.
"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2
Oh Janelle, you are breaking my heart! (and then I read Skip's comment, and it melted my heart)...
sigh...
I wish I could give you a big hug! I bet your family could name 10 positive things for every negative one you listed. You are a treasure.
can we bring our own hats?
...which is buz's response to when i'm having days like these.
sweet friend. chin up, sister. i don't even know you, and i know what a wonderful job you do as a mommy, wife, daughter of the Kind, friend, etc.
these days are tough. but how wonderful that you have so many people cheering you on? oh yeah, and skip?
tears. the ugly cry here too.
totally praying for you to feel all warm and cozy in the palm of the Lord's hand.
love to you, sweet friend.
I feel you! It tends to spiral with me, if I put off my spiritual relationship it just goes out of control until I have a wake up call and harness it in. Of course with me, it spirals daily.
Skip is an awesome husband and daddy, and it's obvious that he really appreciates how wonderful of a person you are. I think we all do. :)
Oh Janelle, I know you don't know me, but let me tell you that you are doing a beautiful job with your little family.
I know this because I have been there. I have felt all the things that you have listed here and I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. There are times that I feel like my life is chaos and then I have to stop and take a step back.
Thank YOU for reminding ME that even when I mess things up the Lord loves me and wants to teach me through my failures.
You are such a blessing!
Sweet girl, you are too hard on yourself. It has only been one month. You have to give yourself time to adjust, make changes, be flexible and breathe.
A dear friend told me when I had Boy2 that God knows your heart even when you cannot spend time with him.
He knows you and loves you and longs for you to heal too.
Please give yourself a break. You are loved. This time will pass and way too quickly too.
That Skip, he is a keeper.
oh man i have had so many of these day lately. God knows are hearts and knows we are doing our best. you are agreat mom keep it up
Janelle,
You don't know me. For the first time (just now) I clicked on a link to your blog from Small Scribbles. I can relate to where you are right now- especially with your first "failure". I posted something very similar earlier today (thyhandhathprovided.blogspot). You are not alone. Let's accept the grace and move forward:-).
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Thank you for sharing your heart- I am praying God's peace just overwhelms you. I needed these words as well... was so blessed by your wisdom.
I'm in agreement with everyone here. Thanks for sharing your heart. It made me want to cry b/c that is how I feel some days (without the kids to distract me). I remember my Mom telling me a long time ago how hard it was for her to get her one on One time with God everyday with 4 children's needs to be met every day. You're not alone in this I'm sure, but I hope you have an oppurtinity soon to spend some time with the Lord! His grace IS suffient!!! :o) Happy Day!
I just threw one of these parties today. Actually, it was the same party I threw yesterday. I'll try to wrap it up tomorrow. And you are soooo right - His grace is sufficient. Thank you. I needed the reminder!
Oh, and by the way. You ARE a great mom. And by the sound of all these comments... you are a good friend too. :) Hope your days since this post have been better!
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